How We Came to Be
by Xmarksthespot
Summary: Kids, have I ever told you the story of the greatest day of my life? It was the day I married your mother. To understand that, we're going to have to go back. Thirty years to be exact. I was thirteen and life was great. HIMYM!YJ—Dick
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: How We Came to Be  
**By**: Xmarksthespot  
**Disclaimer**: I don't own YJ or _How I Met Your Mother_  
**Notes**: No prior knowledge of _How I Met Your Mother_ necessary. Just be aware that this is Future!Dick telling his kids the story of his life, his friends' and family's lives, and how they intertwined, all leading up to the day he married their mother. Starts near the beginning of Season1!YJ

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_Italics —_ Future!Dick

Normal Font — Past!Dick

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_Kids, have I ever told you the story of the greatest day of my life?_

_It was the day I married your mother, on a summer afternoon with our closest friends just by the alleyway in Gotham City before Earth's eleventh threat made by intergalactic aliens._

_Why did we get married by an alleyway? To understand that, we're going to have to go back. Thirty years back to be exact._

_I was thirteen, a superhero, and a student at Gotham Academy. Life was great…_

_Well, it would've been great had your Uncle Wally been a little less…_

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.

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"—Rambunctious. Utterly, completely, totally, _freaking_ annoying!" Artemis screeches.

"You're a little enthusiastic with your adverbs today, Arty-Farty." I hold back a snicker the moment I catch her glaring at me—not that glares faze me. Batman's, no, _Alfred's_ are the worst. Try getting past his nonexistent heat-ray vision when he hears something fowl from your mouth is like, the most difficult mission I've ever had to face.

I leap from the side of the couch, casually approaching the angry blonde at the dining room table. My hand latches onto the backing of her chair and I reach for one of M'gann's cookies in the centre bowl.

"What do you think you're doing, Robin?"

I toss her a look beneath my sunglasses, and my mouth twists into a smirk. The chair below her squeaks as she pushes herself away from me, but I continue to invade more personal space than necessary.

"Getting a cookie—what else?" I say innocently, tucking my chin into my neck and widening my eyes. It should be a crime to be as adorable as I am. Not that I'd want it to be a crime. Being a criminal under Batman's roof would make things a little difficult.

Artemis frowns. "By _pressing_ your body against mine?" She is about to push me off and away from her when I flip backwards, one hand supporting me a distance away and the other hand feeding into my mouth. I curl up my legs and continue to watch her.

Darn. There goes tactic number nine. Just how many more tries do I have to go through to get her to realize that _hey, this delightful, wonderful teammate of mine is also the handsome stud, Dick Grayson_? She doesn't even _bother_ to try to look pass my sunglasses and see my eyes!

I sway my body from side to side, purposely making my shades tilt just enough. Maybe even slip and fall from my face accidentally. Artemis stares at me conspicuously for a brief moment before turning away again. Jeez, just what did Bruce do to these glasses that make them resistant to falling off? They need to be more _sistant_.

Come on, Arty, just look down at the circus boy.

She pushes herself up from her seat instead; her hair is still in disarray from whatever it was that Wally did to it. Another science experiment gone wrong, I think, but what experiment has ever gone right for that guy—aside from getting superpowers like a boss.

Artemis rolls her eyes, and I'm still topsy-turvy on the floor. Then she scoffs and turns around.

"Damn boys," I hear her mutter before she escape to the communications room. Probably to go to Gotham, I suspect. Dick Grayson should pay her a visit later. Just for fun.

I sigh, and arch my back so that my legs would meet with the floor again. I finish the rest of M'gann's cookies. They're improving alright, maybe on par with Bruce's cooking, especially with how much he's been trying in the kitchen lately.

And that's when I remember.

Bruce and the kitchen.

Bruce _in_ the kitchen.

I press my lips together to fight the urge to laugh out loud. Alfred had scolded me this morning for giggling at the flaming tower of pancakes being constructed in the house.

Bruce should be at work right now; he surely won't be able to see me in the mountain. At least, he won't be able to pay attention to the fact that all cameras are off. The holograms on my computer had just been upgraded, so it made hacking _that_ much more fun. Whatever it is that Bruce was planning—or Batman; can't count out the old man's conspiracy plans—something is off.

Bruce has a bunch of new files on system, but I know those were useless. I saw him make those files. No, he would reconfigure the data he was hiding so that it would seem like it was old news. He may think that he's got the upper hand, but he sometimes forgets—

"I found you," I sing just as I snag open a file hidden in a folder created years ago.

— I'm just that awesome.

It's clearly Justice League related data, and not Wayne Industries. He mentions Clark a few times here and there, and some other Leaguers and civilians involved, but the biggest team up is between him and Giovanni Zatara. I remember him—he used to show Wally and I some magic tricks back when we were kids. He doesn't show up to League meetings often though, not since his wife died. Hey, maybe he's back from his semi-retirement? I should check.

I laugh to myself while I type. Why does Bruce continue to hide information like this from me when it's barely a challenge? He thinks he could hide a folder within a folder and the only thing guarding it is a measly password?

Oh, Bruce.

You've gone soft in your old—

'WARNING. WARNING. WARNING.'

Shi—I stop myself. Alfred's really keen on keeping my mouth clean by having a clean mind.

'WARNING. WARNING. DANGER. DANGER.'

Urgh, _Bruce_, whyyyyyy?!

I haphazardly push as many buttons as possible to save my ears. Did it have to yell so loud? Okay, so I hacked into Bruce's files even though he said _not _to, but he's _never _put a warning label on them. Ever! Wally's _definitely_ going to be all—

"_Dude_, what the effing hell?! I told you not to install those freaking speakers into your gauntlet!"

Speak of the devil's redheaded spawn.

"Yeah well, it's not as loud as your girlfriend today, dude. Just _what_ did you do to her?" I yell back, still trying to shut Bruce's trap up.

Finally, I manage to subdue the alarms coming from my computer. Only now Bruce knows I tried hacking into his files, and I _still_ have no idea what he's hiding. One day, Bruce. I _will_ out-hack you.

I turn to Wally who has dropped his arms from shielding his ears. He frowns at me.

"Artemis is _not_ my girlfriend," he argues (again). "And _I_ didn't do anything. She just got in the way of my science project!"

I raise an eyebrow—a skill I've mastered since going under Alfred's tutelage. "Are you trying to grow claws or shoot webs to go with your superspeed?" I climb onto the sofa again and Wally opts to sit down on the lounge chair across from me. "Oh, I know! You're brewing a love potion to capture poor Artemis's heart. Tsk, Wally, hasn't Harry Potter taught you anything about love potions?"

Wally looks at me and given his facial expression, I'm either a genius in his mind, or he's wondering why the hell I'm his best friend. I'm betting on the former.

"Actually, I was trying to incorporate lithium hydroxide to—"

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.

_Kids, I remember a lot of things from my childhood. I do _not_ remember all of your Uncle Wally's science experiments, so we're just going to skip that part._

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"Fascinating," I tell him, and lean back onto the couch. I'm still fiddling with my computer. Just what in the world is Bruce keeping from me? Is there a new mission where he's disguised as a chef? Maybe he's bringing in another kid from the circus and Alfred's cooking isn't enough. _Maybe_ he's adopting Conner!

"Dude, why are you smiling?"

I laugh a little, and I _know_ my uncanny superpower has just sent goose bumps along his arms. Finally, I drop my arm away from my vision, and I turn to him. It's definitely the time of day to kick his butt again in _Power House 3X_.

Of course, video games weren't what we did every day at the mountain. But with Wally's and Artemis's fight checked off of the list, wondering where M'gann and Conner disappeared off to checked off as well, and waving goodbye to Kaldur before he went off with his fish friends done too, there wasn't much else to do. Unless we spar, that is. But it's no fun when there isn't an audience to watch me pummel KF to the floor.

Ah, tis the sad life of mine indeed.

"Dick?"

I instantly jump from my seat at the sound of my name. Okay, me _accidentally_ revealing my identity might have been okay, but Wally straight out saying it was _not_. Bruce is going to have a cow about it, attempt to cook it, and then poison us all with Salmonella.

"Dude!"

Wally shrug and he _almost_ looks apprehensive about something. He's staring straight down to the carpeted floor. The smile on his face is disposed of, and his hands are vibrating. Clearly not a good sign for our friendly neighbourhood speedster.

"Wally?" I say. "What's up?"

He sighs apathetically again and doesn't say much after.

I roll my eyes. "_Wally_, if you're not going to say anything—"

"I'm in love with Artemis."

I blink.

Twice.

Thrice.

"Huh," is all I say. I clear my throat after. "Are you sure about that? It might be something you ate, you know."

"No, Dick, I mean it!" Wally exclaims. He jumps from his seat and waves his arms at me. "She's in all of my thoughts, all of my dreams, and I have the urge to just run up to her and hold her in my arms…"

I make a face in disgust. First off, ew. Since when did Wally get so…so…like Clark when he's with Lois? Second of all, called it! I _knew_ there was something going on with those two. But then again, so did everyone else, so I guess that's not entirely special. Third…well, seriously? Wally's my best man and everything, but I live with _Bruce_. There is no way I could actually give him some sort of advice that will make sense and won't earn him a slap in the face.

Oh. Wait. That sounds kind of fun, actually, but he's as much as my right-hand man as I am his, and so I shall put forth my duties despite the ridiculous pranks I want him to fall to.

"Well, well, Wallace. I'm assuming you need some advice from the _actual_ ladies' man," I tell him, popping the collar of my shirt up.

.

.

_I'm going to be honest with you. Up until that point, there were only three girls in my life I considered my friends. Two of which were on my team. So I technically wasn't a ladies man, but with TV those days highlighting every tidbit detail, and my tendency to lie about everything in my life to anyone I knew, I was, in fact, a Ladies' Man—to Gotham, and to Wally._

_I'm not saying I'm proud of it, but boy, was it fun to watch your Uncle Wally worship my romancing skills while he was having trouble with his own girl. _

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"Uh, please?"

I'm not used to giving dating advice, though in the rare moments that Wally had asked me to give him some, I usually just provided him with basic logic that he failed to see, and advised him to do the opposite of what Bruce did. It often worked. I mean, I got him that date last year for his school dance (and if he _hadn't_ messed that up, I'm sure they could've worked for a while longer).

Gods, I hope he doesn't mess up with Artemis. It would suck to be caught in the middle of those two even more than all of us are now.

But before I could say anything, Conner stomps into the room looking mighty pissed.

"Supes, _perfect_ timing!" I say, and then cock my head to the side, finding the perfect sore spot for him to get him to explain his situation. "Where's M'gann?"

He chooses to sit backwards on one of the dining room chairs with his legs around the seat's backing and then crosses his arms in a typical moody, Conner-like fashion.

"She's with Kaldur learning about the ocean," he mutters just loud enough for us to hear; the jealousy that lined his words is as obvious as the sky was blue, as the grass was green, and as Wally and Artemis have unresolved sexual tension.

I couldn't blame him for being jealous. He doesn't know Kaldur like we do, and technically, Supes is new to the emotion thing. I mean, at that point, we all know he's got anger down. He's got an inferiority complex too. And that gross, cutesy love thing that has Clark pinned by Lois and Wally by Artemis. It had only been a matter of time before those feelings came together, made a baby and resulted in what is a jealous Kryptonian-Human hybrid.

"Nah, bro, you have nothing to worry about," Wally insists. "Kaldur's cool."

Conner mumbles an okay, but still looks pretty down, so I took it as my cue.

"Hey, Supes, speaking of girlfriends," I start, and I could see Wally waving his arms frantically at me in the corner of my eyes. "Kid Quick here just realized he's in love with Artemis."

"Dude, don't be such a dick!"

I roll my eyes.

"Knew it."

Wally drops his arms and stares at Conner, dumbfounded. "_You_ knew? Who else knows?"

"Everyone but Artemis, I think."

"So uh…any advice?"

Conner and I stay silent for the better part of the conversation, and while I'm trying to figure out what to say to Bruce when I come home in about…oh, half an hour, and explain why I was hacking into his files and disobeying his commands, Conner is actually trying to come up with advice for Wally.

"…Teach her everything you know about the aquatic ecosystem so Kaldur doesn't have to."

Okay, so he needs to work on his advice giving too, but it's something. I suggest after he tried to teach Artemis something new, not specifically about the ocean, but it's obvious that the first thing they need to work on was the ability to _not_ argue and be civil. Wally takes every suggestion in and for the next hour, we talk like we normally do.

It's cool how Conner is one of the guys now. We even call Roy to invite him over, but he was _apparently_ at work and then he yelled at us because his boss yelled at him. But it's okay. That's how life is for us.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Until I realize that I was thirty minutes late and Bruce is expecting me back in Gotham. What I didn't know though, was that Bruce had set up that day for me to meet someone. Someone special.

He was on the phone with Zatara by the time I got home, but when I go into the dining room to see if Alfred had cooked up something special, I see _her_.

Dark hair, mischievous grin and all, curves that made my jaw drop when I'm too young to be noticing such things, and a look that could kill.

She is just standing there, studying the artwork that the Wayne's had up before I was even born, and I couldn't help but stare at her. She has really nice eyes…I think they're blue? No, green. I can't really tell from the lighting. She looks familiar too, like maybe I've seen her in one of Bruce's old files. I didn't even notice Bruce walking into the room.

"Dick, you're home," he says.

"Yeah sorry 'bout being late, B. I lost track of time."

He just smiles at me, and doesn't lecture me surprisingly, but considering there is a guest present, I anticipate that will happen after she leaves—_great_. Instead, he places a hand on my shoulder and faces the person in front of us.

"Actually, your timing's just perfect. I want you to meet someone."

I look straight at the stranger, and she turns to us, smiling slyly at the sight of me and that's when it hit me, where I had saw her before. I had met her a few times when I was younger, and she was also in the files along with Giovani Zatara that I hacked into earlier.

And suddenly, her name pops into my head before Bruce has a chance to even say it.

"Dick, I'd like you to meet…"

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_Kids, there will be a time in your life when you'll meet someone, someone who will be an important part of your life. Someone so spectacular, you just know that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try to keep it the way it is, for good or for bad, your life will never be the same again._

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"My girlfriend: Selina Kyle."

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_What? This is a long story!_

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**A/N**: Who thought I was going to introduce Zatanna? I really was going to do that, because she is a big part of Dick's life, but I decided, nah, not yet.

Now before I continue, I want to make things _very_ clear. Just because I've written Nightwing&Batgirl fics in the past does _not_ guarantee that he will end up with her in this story. In fact, it could be Zatanna. It could be Kori/Starfire. It could be Cassie/Raquel/Donna/Artemis/Raven/OC/etc.

I haven't decided.

What I will ask of you readers though, if you're planning on following this story, is to please not start Shipping Wars. Please, please, please. I know some of you are very fervent on Dick ending up with certain characters, I know some of you may _hate_ other pairings, but do not spread your hate here. You're a mature teen/young adult/adult (and if you're not listed there, ie. you're a kid, this story will cover content that's not suitable for your age so I advise you to turn around). I'd really appreciate it if you appreciate however I end this story and whomever I decide to be the mother of his kids.

Thank you (and please review and let me know what you think!)


	2. Chapter 2

**Title**: How We Came to Be  
**By**: Xmarksthespot  
**Disclaimer**: I don't own YJ or _How I Met Your Mother_  
**Notes**: I added _drama_ to the genre category because if this is about the YJ cast growing up and becoming adults, there _will_ be drama. Hopefully not too much.

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_Italics —_ Future!Dick

Normal Font — Past!Dick

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_Kids, in the fall of 2010, your Grandpa Bruce introduced me to Selina Kyle, his girlfriend at the time, also known as Catwoman. Of all of Bruce's past girlfriends, she was probably the one I had the hardest time adjusting to. _

_You see, every time I wanted to hang out with Bruce, she would be there. Every time I wanted to eat my dinner in peace, she would be there. Every time I brushed my teeth in the morning…Well, you get the point. And with a history like hers, I _had_ to be on the lookout for anything that went missing from the manor, which as you know, was a pretty hard job considering how big the place is. _

_It was _not_ aster at all._

_Anyway, she and I got off to a pretty rough start, or so I like to believe._

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I stand dumbfounded while staring at the couple.

Bruce has never introduced me to any of his girlfriends before. Ever. I mean, there was that one time when we barged into Ra's al Ghul's lair and I caught him and Talia making out in the middle of a warzone, but that was different. That _thing_ isn't in our dining room. And technically, that was Batman's personal life. This is _Bruce's_ which cross references with my life pretty easily.

And it's _Catwoman_.

Seriously Bruce, of all the women you pine after, do they all have to have a base filled with ninja assassins or be one of the biggest criminal records in all of Gotham? What ever happened to your lovesick stage with Diana?

"Well, well," Selina starts and I grimace at the sound of her voice. Oh yeah, someone sounding like that _would_ be able to capture Bruce Wayne by the tie. "It's nice to officially meet you, little birdie."

Bruce clears his throat at her nickname, and I frown along with him. First, _no_ superhero names or anything associated with our tights and capes hobby in the daylight. Second, no. Just, no. Catwoman may have a habit of teasing Batman and Robin, but _no one_ gets to call me that.

"Selina," I say and I feel a bit of venom on the tip of my tongue. "Doing a bit of artwork shopping?" I glance at the painting she had just looking at, and her eyes widen.

"Dick!"

I wince. I should have expected Bruce to react to that comment, but it's not like he's ever scolded me before for saying _the truth_ to his meaningless flings, to villains, and to villains who _should be_ meaningless flings. I turn to him to shrug off my comment, but his face is on default Batman-mode, and well, it's as pretty as trying to get the Joker to stop smiling.

But before he could lecture me about my good-boy manners, Selina interjects and laughs.

"Feisty. I think we're going to get along just fine, kid," she says, and she runs her hand through _my hair_. My hair. My _perfectly_ coifed hair! My Gothamite rich-kid hair that took me a long time to get ready between getting out of the zeta tubes and being seen in public. And she runs through it as if it's _cat fur_.

Selina idly steps pass me and leans in towards Bruce—whoa, okay, is she _eye-screwing_ with him in front of a thirteen year old _boy_—with her hand on his shoulder, her flirty eyes beneath her lashes, and her ill-attempt at hiding the suggestive smirk.

"Well I just can't _wait_ to have dinner with you boys tonight. It sounds absolutely perfect."

Bruce and I share a look; well, I direct a look at him first and he just meets my eyes with that parental, demanding thing. And what went on in the air between us is like watching Clark trying not to use heat-ray vision on Conner and Conner trying to _learn _how to use heat-ray vision on Clark. It is not good.

I open my mouth to make up an excuse—I have to go tutor Barbara, I have to go save KF from Artemis's revenge, I have a world to save, I have…world domination plans to go through. I just need _something_, but before I could say anything, The Bat happens.

"I can't wait either, Selina, and I'm sure it'll be a great way for you guys to get to know each other. Isn't that right, _Richard_?"

And he _would_ use Richard, which means that even if there was a random war raging on between Earth and the peaceful nation of Themyscira or if talking gorillas decided to take down the League, I am _not_ escaping.

Yep, I'm in a lock and key situation. And Richard is the lock.

Ugh. My life.

The next day, I concoct a plan based on what I had learned from Selina the night before during _long_, horrendous dinner where I had to sit through Bruce's and Selina's continuous flirting, Bruce's attempts to get her and I to connect, and Alfred's insistence I _stay_ at the dinner table until everyone was done with their meals, which clearly didn't end until an hour later when Bruce and her decided to stop teasing each other long enough to look down at their dinner plates. She was playing secretary at the post-office just across the street from Wayne Industries, which I conclude, means both her and Bruce will be meeting by 5:00PM sharp when they both end work.

And I'm _not_ sitting through that again, so I give Alfred a call, head straight to the mountain, and wait an hour before Wally comes back from school. It isn't until I heard the familiar machine voicing his arrival that I finally sit up from my position on the couches.

He quickly zips up next to me and sticks his head over my shoulders to look at my screen. _Please_, like he could understand anything on my computer, which of course, leads to him asking: "Dude, what are you doing?"

I smirk. "Plotting."

I could feel his grin hovering over me even as he tosses his backpack to the side. "To take over the world? Bro, are we finally going to act out Contingency Plan Two-Four-Oh?"

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_Ah, Plan 240. That was a great plan. _

…

_A plan you kids should _not_ know about—don't tell your mother about it. _

_._

_._

"Not yet, Wally. That comes later," I tell him, and quickly save my progress on the computer.

"Then what are you plotting?"

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.

_Kids, you know as well as I do that your Grandpa Bruce was really protective of me. And I mean _really_ overprotective – more than your dear old dad is of you guys. I mean, at least I give you guys some freedom right? _

_I would never go so far as to try to break you and your dates up like your Grandpa Bruce did to me back in the day. I mean, that guy was crazy possessive. I would _never_, ever do that. Ever._

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"Trying to break up Batman and his girlfriend."

Wally lets out a loud and exasperated sigh. "Again? Rob, give it a rest. Let Daddy Bats have some fun for once."

I scowl. My fingers pressing onto the buttons I memorized while I turn to face him. "Just whose side are you on?"

Wally looks taken aback and he holds up both hands in the universal sign of defence –wimp. He crafts a playful grin which he had often used on Bruce to get on the Bat's good side before raiding our kitchen and Alfred's cupboards. "Yours man, always yours, but—"

"Good, now what do you think will scare her off?" I ask, placing a finger on my chin. "Rabid dogs in the house or a dinner plate full of mice?"

Wally's hands drop, and I could _see_ goose bumps on his arm. "W-What?" He sounds like a cross between being flabbergasted and downright freaked out.

None of my plans to shoo off Bruce's previous dates have involved animals before. I don't think it helps considering that I'm trying to stifle _the_ laugh that made my team cower at the sight of me, which they don't know I know. But honestly, don't they realize that I have the _entire_ mountain on security footage? Not to mention that I _hear_ things on the mind link?

Amateurs.

"Did I mention he's dating Catwoman?"

"Whoa, score. She's a total babe."

I glare at him and he sticks both hands up again.

"Your side, remember? Totally one hundred percent on your side."

Before I could say anything else, the mountain announces the test subject for my plans—I mean, Conner. With him being as indestructible as he is, rapid dogs should be a breeze. That is, unless he decided to domesticate them like he has the past dozen animals we've encountered on missions.

Like Wolf.

And Sphere (who technically isn't an animal, but maybe in some intergalactic nation, it is).

And those baby ducks I saw coming out of the bathroom the other day, but those might be Kaldur's. He has a soft spot for animals too.

"Supes!"

He grunts in response. Okay, gotta work on greetings with the big guy.

"M'gann's out with her school friends at the mall," Conner says, and drops himself on the couch in front of the TV. He runs his hand through his hair and is clearly exhausted from being at school all day. Man, he's got it bad. Kinda tough when you're a walking encyclopedia and Batman won't let you tell the teacher when he's wrong. I kind of feel that way in pre-calculus sometimes.

The clone turns to us with a look of confusion we've seen from him way too many times.

"Did you guys say you have a plan for taking over the world earlier?"

"Nope," Wally and I say simultaneously. We then proceed to change the topic.

Or, well, Wally does.

The next few hours is spent with Wally trying to convince Conner, then Artemis, Kaldur, and finally M'gann who all comes in later that day, that Batman does, in fact, have a life outside of the League and is, much to my utter distaste, dating someone that I don't approve of.

"Be home by dinner," Batman tells me through the screen when I evade another attempt at bringing me home to hang out with him and Selina, and I could see the quizzing looks on my teammates' faces. They are _still _almost all in disbelief that Batman _ate_ meals, much less dates people and behaves like a total human. Yeah, well, too bad he does.

"Perhaps Robin, you are too quick to judge. I do not believe that Batman's affairs will affect the team's productivity."

"But look at him, Kal! He's smitten!"

"…Robin, he looked the same to us," M'gann adds.

I cross my arms and give a harrumph. "You just don't get it."

"I'm still trying to _get_ the fact that Batman has an outside life. _And _that he _dates_. I mean, who is this chick?" Artemis asks, but obviously I ignore the question.

Oh, I just can't wait until Arty and the rest of the gang—well, mostly Artemis—find out who Batman and Robin really are. She is going to _flip_ tables.

The team eventually all disperse to do their own thing, to which I respond by finishing up with my _RemoveTheCat_ plan on my gauntlet, until an hour later when I hear Kaldur's voice.

"Robin?"

"Busy."

"I see. Then we will leave you to your work. I hope our screaming will not affect your concentration too much."

I raise an eyebrow above my mask. "Screaming?"

"Yes, Wally suggested that he and I teach the rest of the team the purpose of Water-Tag."

I look up.

Kaldur smiles confidently.

My mouth drops open.

He nods.

"Water-Tag?!"

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_Kids, Water-Tag is a game that was invented by yours truly and your Uncles Wally, Roy, and Kaldur when we were just starting out as superheroes. It originated from the fact that your Uncle Kaldur could control water at his will, my love for Hide-and-Go-Seek, Uncle Wally's impeccable ability to run from a situation, and your Uncle Roy's perfect aim._

_In fact, if you recall, it's the reason why we all landed in the Med-Bay two years ago and why your mother and all your aunts keep tabs on us every time we hang out._

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"Of course, with Wally being quite…distracted by Artemis, it might not be as effective as the old days with Roy and us playing the game. But I am used to making adjustments. I assume losing this game after two years of being undefeated must come eventually."

_And…_that is the winning touch.

"Kal, wait," I say, holding a hand up to stop him.

"Yes, Robin?"

I smirk devilishly. "They won't know what hit 'em."

While I go to get ready in my swimming trunks—it was somewhere here…maybe I'd find it a lot faster if I actually spend the night here one day, which is plausible if Catwoman was planning on staying at the manor more often—Wally is with the team, needing a refresher on the rules. Either that or he wants to be by Artemis a bit more. Tsk, that poor, lovesick boy.

I change into my swimwear and snicker as I made my way to the beaches. Even if I'm not a Zatara, I could probably recite the rules backwards and forwards: water users can't use anything but a water gun (which the mountain definitely had an unlimited supply of for this sole reason), they had to hit the target _in the face_, and the targets could use any superpower or weapon they wanted to defend themselves. There are a few other rules, but…the newbies will figure that out eventually.

Best.

Game.

Ever.

Well, aside from Hide-and-Go-Seek, which I am _still_ the king of.

"Your wrist computer doubles as a water gun?" Artemis's voice snaps me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah, so?" I shrug. I could still see her raised eyebrow even though it's dark out, which makes things _that_ more interesting. Of course, it has to be dark or else we wouldn't be allowed to shoot arrows or sick venom-instilled wolves at each other without pedestrians questioning us.

"Just what else do you have in there?"

"Not much. It's not like it's the utility belt."

"_What_'s in that?"

I shrug again. Unlike her, I _actually_ want to play the game and not waste the rest of the afternoon listing them my to-do list to get organised and cleaned this weekend.

I place my gear on the side of the mountain, though quickly grab through the third compartment of said belt. That is, until Kaldur clears his throat behind me.

"Uh, yeah, Kaldur?" I ask coolly.

"As I've told you in the past, we do _not_ need such things in this game."

"But—"

"Robin…We are on the shore. _That _is shark repellent, and as much as I urge you to accept the fact that no shark will approach you in the sea, I insist that you do _not_ need it in the game."

I grumble a response, and regrettably get up from my crouched position. I swear, one day he's going to _thank _me for what I have in my utility belt.

After a long bickering process, we decide to play experts versus newbies—let's just hope Conner doesn't destroy the mountain.

The game begins quickly, and after the first hour and a half, it leads to the three of us hiding behind the boulders to retaliate with our attack. And we would have started sooner if it wasn't for Kid Crush.

"Get it together, Wally. She's the enemy," I say while slapping his shoulder.

"But look at her! And she's wearing a red bikini. _Red_! You know red is like, my all-time favourite colour."

"KF, think about it this way," I tell him, proud of myself for coming up with romance advice at a time like this. They don't call me a Ladies' Man for nothing. "If you gawk at her and act stupid, she'll only hate you more. You need to learn how to show off your skills. Treat her like an equal. Do you think Artemis will appreciate it if you go easy on her?"

He thinks for a moment before his shoulders fall. "…I guess you're right."

"Good, now get traught. Kaldur's alpha, I'm beta, and you're gamma."

"Wait, which plan is this?"

Kaldur suddenly shows up behind us with a water gun in each hand, both with five litre tanks attached and detachable water grenades that burst upon contact like a water balloon filled with awesome. The Bad-Ass. I remember that water gun. And it isn't even something Alfred could scold me for swearing because _it's in the name._

I'm proud to say I thought of that name.

"I believe this is the Harper Defeat of 2009," Kaldur says with pride.

Wally and I look up in nostalgia. Ah, Roy never knew what hit him…repeatedly.

"Got it."

When the game resumes, I realize how much harder it was without Roy, due to there being another archer whose skill matches his, a Martian who not only could evade our attacks, but could fill our minds with distracting images, _and_ a loud, aggressive clone who decides to fight us off with rocks. Big rocks.

But that's alright.

I mean, I always _did_ excel when it came to challenges.

Wally on the other hand…not so much. At least, not with Artemis outsmarting his every move. Even with our foolproof plan that _pummelled_ Roy to the ground last year (figuratively and literally), these three have the privilege of speaking through their mind link, and the fact that Artemis is in a bathing suit means Wally is distracted. Heavy on the dis.

"C'mon Wally…Get your head tog—"

Before I could finish the sentence, Wally tackles Artemis to the ground like a 210 pound rugby player, and ultimately ends the game, not to mention any possibility of her falling for him…figuratively. _Literally_, she kind of just did fall _because_ of him. Ouch, and on those rocks too.

That's going to leave a nasty bruise.

And it's definitely going to hurt our eardrums.

.

"You _idiot_! I have to wear this damn cast now because of you!" Artemis screeches at Wally from the Med-Bay. "How am I supposed to use my bow now?!"

I pity the guy, especially after seeing his crestfallen face upon leaving his One True Love's room.

"Sorry, bro. I'm sure you two will work it out," I tell him.

Wally is obviously too busy scolding himself, but the moment he looks back at the room where Artemis is being treated for her broken arm, his face grows serious.

And I know that face.

Something either seriously horrible or seriously awesome is going to happen.

"What is it, Wally?"

"I'm feeling down."

No, _really_?

"And if you check your phone and realize that Daddy Bats has called you ten times in the past hour, I'm pretty sure you're down too."

Ah, fu—shoot. I had forgotten about him for a moment.

"So what do you think we should do?" I ask him, but I already know the answer.

"Initiate Contingincy Plan Two-Four-Oh?"

"You mean to take over the world?"

"Yes."

I pause and then look down at my phone, seeing the message from Bruce about Selina and breakfast tomorrow, and then back up at Wally.

"Operation Two-Four-Oh commences in T-minus-ten minutes"

"Wicked."

.

.

_Kids, we never really completed Contingency Plan 240, and no, I will never tell you what it is. You're too young to know and it's too dangerous. Anyway, the League caught your Uncle Wally and I a week later before anything got damaged and we were both grounded for a month. Thankfully, no one got hurt._

_That never stopped us though._

_Your Uncle Wally continued to leap and dance after Artemis, even after her arm broke because of him. He decorated her cast with colourful messages, and gave heartfelt apologies which she eventually cave to and accepted. _

_And as for me?_

_That day was the start of my quest to thwart Selina Kyle away from your grandfather, and it certainly wasn't my last, but you know what? _

_She wasn't so bad after all, but we'll get to that later._

.

.

* * *

**A/N:** I'm really iffy about my style of humour for this story mainly because I actually used to like writing comedy until some point towards the end of high school and the start of university when everything I wrote was just depressing and angsty (adulthood is lamer than childhood) so it's been a while...And I hope I'm not forcing it too much. So let me know what you think.

P.S. Kudos to you if you know where the Shark Repellent reference came from! And the Themyscira invasion/talking gorilla reference too!


	3. Chapter 3

**Title**: How We Came to Be  
**By**: Xmarksthespot  
**Disclaimer**: I don't own YJ or _How I Met Your Mother_  
**Notes**: Thank you for the reviews and favs/alerts, guys!

* * *

_Italics —_ Future!Dick

Normal Font — Past!Dick

* * *

.

.

_Kids, you may think that being the ward of The Bruce Wayne had its privileges, both at school and at home, but back when I was thirteen, that wasn't the case._

_You see, back then you only stood at the top of the school if your parents stood at the top of the city, and even though Bruce Wayne was _The Prince_ of Gotham, kids only respected you if you were his legitimate heir. Eventually, many of them did find out that they should have been friendlier to your dear old dad and that blood relation didn't always matter. _

_For instance…._

.

.

September 7, 2024

"Hi, you must be Damian Wayn—"

"Touch me and I'll stab you."

.

.

_Yeah... So like I said, school wasn't that great for me back then, but it wasn't that bad either. At least I had Barbara and Artemis. At home though…_

.

.

"And young master, I advise you to actually come home this evening rather than going straight to the mountain."

"But—"

And then he gives me _The Alfred_, a consciously, well-crafted look that's basically the butler version, but much scarier than the infamous, feared by the entire Justice League, and copyrighted Bat-glare. If there is a hierarchy of the three things that could and would get me to do Bruce's and Alfred's every beck and call, it would be the name _Richard_ at the bottom, followed by the Bat-glare in the middle and then The Alfred on top.

I swear, it's only fun when The Alfred is used on Bruce.

But I'm not going down without a fight—I'm a superhero! I can withstand this. I gulp and finally muster the courage to say:

"But Selina—"

And then he smiles at me, a grandfatherly smile that's used to guilt both Bruce and I into caving into his demands and is a double combo K.O. when paired with The Alfred.

I sigh.

"I'll be home after school…But only for you, Alf," I tell him, finally relieved that The Alfred and the guilty-I-know-you-ate-cookies-before-dinner smile dissipate.

I step out of the limo and look onwards to the facility that's supposed to be the best four years of my life.

And it's times like these that I like to quote Mean Girls: "You got your freshman, ROTC guys, preps, J.V. jocks, Asian nerds, Cool Asians, Varsity jocks, unfriendly black hotties, girls who eat their feelings, girls who don't eat anything, desperate wannabes, burnouts, sexually active band geeks..."

And of course—

"Watch where you're going, circus freak!"

—the coolest group ever at Gotham Academy subdivided into two smaller groups made up of myself and Barbara Gordon, and Bette Kane and Artemis Crock, only because we're not close enough friends in our civilian identities to form one, super epic, tight-knit group.

_Yet_.

And the worst—

"Hey look, Scholarship Number 2 has an imaginary boyfriend named _Wally_!" A girl yells, yanking Artemis's arm upwards to show everybody the colourful cast.

—well, there's no actual group that's the worst of them all here at Gotham Academy, unless I decide to spend the next ten minutes listing the top 75 percent of the student population whose parents are the basic infrastructure of Gotham City minus Bruce Wayne. _Please_, like I have the time to do such frivolous things.

"Hey, let go of me!" Artemis tells her, pulling her arm back.

"Boo-hoo, scared you can't afford another cast?"

I grimace as the crowd of jerks start circling her.

"No, but I'm pretty sure I won't be able to afford treatment if I catch whatever you have!"

Sometimes I wish I was as bold as dear old Arty.

I form a smirk, brush a stray strand of hair back into its coifed up position, and walk up to my pretty blonde _friend_. She is stomping alone towards her locker, which is coincidentally _next_ to mine.

Oh, I just _love_ having all these benefits.

"Artemis! _Nice_ cast," I point out as I proceed to open my own locker.

She grumbles a thanks under her breath, which is followed by a string of words that I'm pretty sure is Vietnamese—regardless of the language, I'm pretty sure Alfred wouldn't have approved. And I'm betting that it's about Wally.

Speaking of Wally, I notice that Kid Crush had managed to scrawl his name in bright red ink in the middle of her cast. It's like he was taking _ownership_ for what he did to her.

She slams her locker shut and continues to make way down the hallway, and even though it's been over a month, she _still_ hasn't learned that she _can't_ just escape from me that easily.

"Artemis, wait up!" I call after her and easily pick up my pace to match hers.

"What do you want?" She asks me angrily—case and point. I told Wally that her period came on the third week of every month.

.

.

_Kids, you have to understand that ever since your uncles and I were children, we had been surrounded by female superheroes who could crush us with their pinky fingers or kill us in our sleep. We _had_ to mark down when we thought their time of the month was._

_Trust me when I say: it kept our limbs intact._

.

.

"I have first period with you, remember?" I smile and look up to give her the innocent, widened puppy-dog eyes that make just anyone other than Alfred smitten and accepting. I'm thinking of calling it The Grayson, but I'm going to have to work on that.

While I'm in freshman classes for three of the four subjects I'm forced to take by the government and school system, I had quite easily managed to pull myself into Artemis's sophomore pre-calc class first thing in the morning. All I have to do now is wait for the day when Artemis comes to me and ask me to tutor her in three-dimensional vectors, which –based on her marks—she totally will in less than two weeks.

"Right…"

"_Anyway_," I start and I could _hear_ her prepare herself for whatever I have to say next. Ah, the choices. What shall I pick on her for today? I glance at her cast.

Target acquired.

"Just how did you break your arm like that?"

"Uh…"

"I had a friend who broke her arm once. It was dis_…astrous_. It was just in a simple game of _Tag_ too," I say, smiling slyly.

She looks down at me conspicuously with a rise of her eyebrow. Come on, Arty…just look deep into my eyes…deeper…deeper…

"Mr. Grayson, Ms. Crock…can you please stop blocking my hallway and get to your class?"

_And_ that would be the principal—whom I keep insisting Bruce should fire.

I give a small laugh. "You can tell me later at lunch, Artemis. I can't wait until you tell me who this _Wally_ is too," I tell her, pointing to the cast. "Sounds like a _flashy_ kind of guy." I snicker again when she freezes on spot at the doorway, eyes wide like saucers.

I just love it when I get that reaction out of people.

The day goes on just as it normally does. I sleep through second period, forcing Barbara to recite the history chapters that we had went through. Artemis spends lunch time staring at me with a suspicious look in her eye, and I text Wally throughout the period before gym, reminding him that he shouldn't have written his name like that across Artemis's cast, and no, I'm not going to send an express cargo delivery of Alfred's cookies all the way to Keystone.

And now comes home time.

Surprise, _surprise_, Selina is here waiting by the time I step into the manor.

"It's about time you showed your face here, kitten," she purrs. She's still wearing her work clothes. She must've gotten off work early. "I was afraid I might have scared you off the last time we spoke."

"Selina," I greet, only through Alfred's insistences as he hangs my coat up behind me. When he leaves, I add, "Did the sewer rats scare you back into the house? I thought cats went for that kind of thing."

She frowns, and clearly isn't as amused as the first time I insulted her in front of Bruce, but then her lips twist into something else. "My, my, looks like you had a bad day at school," she says and approaches me, and then somehow lowers herself down while wearing that tight skirt and high heels; we are eye to eye.

"And F.Y.I., not all cats go after rodents." She smirks. "Sometimes we prey after _birds_."

"Is that a threat?" I ask and I ready my utility belt from beneath my school uniform. Bruce was right; it sure did come in handy to have on me all the time, though sometimes I think he's just as paranoid as they say he is.

Not that that's a bad thing, but even I don't think it's good either.

Selina lets out a breath through her nostrils. "Of course not, kid. To me, you're just a tiny kitten wanting to be loved by dear old daddy," she says, and then _runs _her fingers _in my hair_ again. Like a _cat_.

I don't care what she wants.

I'm _not_ giving up Robin to be Catlad.

I spend the next hour sitting at the dining room table, glaring at Selina while she looks at her nails and talks to Alfred. It isn't until Bruce comes home that I manage to excuse myself from the worst after school program ever.

.

.

_While I was locked up in my room with no means of escape unless I wanted to cross paths with Selina and Bruce again, your Uncle Wally was having the life beat out of him by your Aunt Artemis._

.

.

"Uh…Black Canary?" M'gann starts. "Shouldn't we…stop Artemis? The system's already announced his failure twice."

The remainder of the group, along with their trainer, turn to the center ring when Artemis raises her leg, hitting Wally, who is running circles around her, square in the chest and cause him to fall to the floor once more.

_Kid Flash: fail_.

Roy, who had decided to visit the team that day, nods at the action in front of him.

"Replacement isn't so bad after all…" He mutters to himself. "Even with a handicap."

"Hey!" Wally groans, raising an arm from his position on the floor. "Just whose side are you on, Speedy?"

"Hmph." Artemis grins triumphantly. "Even with a cast I can still kick your ass."

Wally sighs and uses his elbows as leverage to try to pull himself up. "I told you I was sorry!"

"Because of you, I can't use my bow for another month! A month, Wally! How would you like it if I broke one of your legs?"

"Artemis…" Black Canary starts, but the younger blonde continues.

"And then you wrote your name on my cast while I was sleeping! How do you expect me to go to school with this? How do you expect me to answer my mother when she asks who the fu—"

"Artemis, that's enough."

"—ck Wally is and why the hell does he have dumbass name?!"

"Artemis—"

"I'm not done! Hey, what are you guys doing? M'gann—Kaldur, wh-hey! Put me down!"

.

.

_Kids, it took your Uncle Conner to stop Artemis from giving Wally a concussion that day. And I know what you're thinking: why would Wally be so hopelessly in love with someone who had tried to break his legs during training? _

_Well, I asked him the same thing._

.

.

"She's on her period if it helps, bro," I tell him through our online video chat. I could see my best friend on the other screen rolling his eyes, but then wincing when the slightest movement ached. "Wally, just put the ice pack on."

He sighs and lifts the bag of ice to press onto his swollen left cheek.

I leer over to the doorway where I could hear Bruce's booming laughter from whatever joke Selina just told him, and frown. Ugh. He's never laughed that hard for my jokes before.

"Dick, your jealousy is flaring," Wally says.

And he said he was on _my_ side.

"_Anyway_, as I was saying…I still don't get why you're so in love with her if you guys treat each other like this." I don't get it. I don't get it at all. Catwoman stole from Gotham. Catwoman _attacked_ Batman. She's the epitome of how corrupt this city is and yet…

They're _laughing_ together.

Is it some law of post-puberty-esque attraction that if one person is into another person, she has to beat the crap out of him?

Oh man…It's terrifying how similar Bruce and Wally are.

"It's…It's complicated."

"Wally, don't tell me that it's some gut feeling you have and that deep down inside, she's as kind as a kitten because need I remind you that kittens grow up to be cats and there is a cat clawing Bruce Wayne downstairs."

"Well—"

"Gah, Wally! Artemis is our friend. I trust her with my life. But there is no way you can be in love with her based on your gut and nothing else!"

"Whatever, Dick. You may have had like, a gajillion girlfriends in the past—"

Total lie.

"And you may be the next Playboy Prince of Gotham or something—"

God, I hope that's not true.

"But when you're not there, and the team's not there and I get to be alone and _talk_ to her, she's…She's Artemis."

I raise an eyebrow. "Yeah, I think we established that she was Artemis on the first day, Wally."

"No, I mean, we spend all this time fighting so we never got to really know each other, and well…I got to know her."

.

.

_And suddenly, Wally's face softened, and I swear, up to that point, I had never seen him look so bruised and yet so happy in his entire life. _

_So I decided to help him out a little—trust his quick, metabolising gut that I always thought acted on impulse._

.

.

"Okay, Wally. You want to apologize to her for breaking her arm? Why don't you help her out a little by doing things that she normally needs two hands for?"

"I did offer!" Wally interjects, waving a hand around before flinching and setting it back down. "But she said I'd done enough damage and didn't want me breaking her other one. Honestly, if I could buy her a new arm, I would."

Huh…buy…a new arm.

Buying…

Money…

"That's it!"

Wally looks at me skeptically. "Dude, I'm not buying Arty a new arm."

"Not that," I say with a smirk. "Go help her civilian life. She has the team helping her at the mountain, who do you think is helping _just _Artemis?"

But he shakes his head. "Already offered, bro. Green Arrow just threatened me even more."

Dang, Oliver really is overprotective of his archers. Now I can see why Roy wanted out ASAP.

"You know how you live in Keystone and Barry lives in Central?"

"So?"

"What makes you think Arty lives in the same city as her uncle?"

"Wait, so she doesn't live in Star?"

"Nope," I said with a pop on the 'p'.

He furrows his brows. "Why wouldn't she tell us?"

I casually wave him off, hoping that Artemis would trust us soon enough to tell the team why she is situated in Gotham. Thankfully for her, I am _awesome _at covering tracks. "Bro, if I had you tailing me around, I wouldn't tell you where I lived either."

"Ouch. Not cool, Dick. So you know where she lives?"

"Uh, _duh_."

"Where?"

I pause for a moment. I know I would tell him what city she lived and where she went to school—not that that's a big deal or anything—but there has to be something taken out of this. Something…that would benefit _me_.

On the other screen, Wally sighs knowingly. "Okay, what do you want?"

I grin. "Help me with my plans." _To get rid of Selina Kyle_.

He groans. "Deal, but only if you get blamed when Daddy Bats—"

"He's not going to—"

"—finds out."

"…Fine."

.

.

_For the rest of the night, your Uncle Wally came up with a list of things to do for your Aunt Artemis with the information I had provided him and I decided to plot the break up between Bruce and Selina._

_Meanwhile, your Uncle Roy was still at the mountain visiting. And while I was known for being the one who knew everything because of my security camera and computer privileges, there were some things I knew better to leave alone._

.

.

"You are not smoking, I take it?"

Roy chuckles. "I told you, Kal, I kicked the habit years ago."

The Atlantean smiles genuinely as he approaches the redheaded man standing at the edges of the mountain. "I am glad."

They are silent for a while, up until Roy clears his throat. "So how's the team?"

"It is…not the same without you, but the team is managing and things are well. You would have liked working with us, Roy. Even with Artemis."

Roy looks up towards the horizon, watching the beach waves. With a frown, he says, "I still don't trust her," but before his friend could respond, he continues, "but she _can_ fight from what I saw today. Wally should stop underestimating an archer's leg strength."

Kaldur barely hides his amused smile. "I take it you are sympathizing her condition?"

"You never mess with an archer's arms, Kal. You know that."

"Of course. It was the lesson learned during the Harper Defeat of 2009."

Roy rolls his eyes. "You enjoy bringing that up too often." He pauses. "Do you miss it?"

"I'm sorry?"

"When we used to hang out. Just the four of us."

The blond looks contemplative before turning to face his friend. "While I am enjoying the team as it is now, I must admit, the times spent with you were indeed the best of times."

Roy nods. "Well, maybe I'll stop by again someday, just for you to enjoy the best of times again. Anyway," he says while stretching out his arms, "I should go. It's getting late and I gotta get up early for work tomorrow."

"Working? I was not aware that you had a job."

"Yeah well, gotta pay the bills somehow now that I'm moved out of Ollie's place."

"What is it that you do?" Kaldur asks.

"Eh, just things." Roy shrugs before holding out a fisted hand. "Bro-Fist?"

Kaldur hesitates at first, but then extends his own arm to bump fists. Both men withdraw their hands and extend all their fingers with Roy mimicking the sound of an explosion.

Roy grins. "Just like a true Surface-Dweller."

.

.

_The next day, school went on just as it normally did. I talked to Artemis in the hallways before pre-calc, slept through history and had to have Barbara explain to me what we learned during lunch, and then breezed through chemistry and gym._

_Artemis on the other hand, had a more difficult time adjusting to life now that her dominant arm was rendered useless, until…_

.

.

Artemis scowls as one of the Gotham Academy students push passed her without bothering to give her a second glance or apologizing.

"Jackass," she mutters, and continues to struggle with putting everything into her backpack before choosing to carry some of the books with her non-dominant arm. It isn't until she leaves the building that she sees a familiar redhead approaching school grounds.

"Wally?! What are you doing here?"

He smiles at the sight of her. "Don't worry, Arty. I'm not from around here—none of these spoiled brats will know who I am."

"I'm not worried about _that_. It's just…how did you know I went to school here?"

"Eh, I know people," he says with a shrug.

Artemis groans, instantly knowing which brat he is referring to. "That _dick_."

"You have no idea how right you are," Wally responds and then reaches out for her books. "Here, let me carry those."

"I—" But he easily pulls them away from her.

"It's fine. I mean, it's the least I could do. And you always did tell me I should work on my upper body strength. This can be like lifting weights." He begins to raise and lower the textbooks in his hold.

"T-Thanks…" she replies hesitantly before her eyes become wide. "Wait, don't you have school right now?"

He shrugs again. "Like I said, I know people."

.

.

_Kids, for six consecutive school days, the fire alarm had went off during Wally's last period, cancelling his classes and permitting him to come to Gotham to carry Artemis's books. _

_Unfortunately, her cast didn't come off for another month and a half, but the moment your grandfather and Wally's parents found out he had been missing his last period and that I was responsible for these fire alarm fiascos, Wally was prohibited from entering Gotham on both the Wests' and the Bat's terms until further notice._

_But in the end, Wally didn't mind. _

.

.

"Wait, are you doing this because I said that I was going to break your legs in your sleep?" Artemis asks with a smirk just as they cross the street to her apartment.

"What?! No! I mean, I didn't think you were serious…until now. You aren't going to, are you?"

She laughs, and only after sometime does Wally gain the confidence to laugh along with her too

"You know, that's a nice uniform. You should wear it to the mountain sometime."

"Shut up, Wally."

.

.

_And neither did Artemis._

.

.

* * *

**A/N:** So I hope no one minded the random POV changes. Part way through writing this chapter, I realized I would have to show some scenes that Narrator!Dick wouldn't be aware of, so I kind of took the same route that _How I Met Your Mother_ takes sometimes in which Future!Dick will lead you guys into the next scene. I'll try not to get it too confusing with the first/third person narration switch, because I _really_ don't want to go back and switch everything I've written into third person, but I may have too if this doesn't work; I guess only time will tell. Let me know what you guys think about it!

P.S. Anyone want to beta this story? Preferably someone with _some_ HIMYM knowledge and is familiar with YJ and DC characters. I don't really know how the beta thing works, but it'd be pretty awesome if someone could read things over and point out what's (un)necessary, what's boring, and what's grammatically incorrect (_especially _the first two on that list. I tend to ramble with these kinds of stories. A lot. Kind of like what I'm doing now.) PM me please if you'd like to! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Title**: How We Came to Be  
**By**: Xmarksthespot  
**Disclaimer**: I don't own YJ or _How I Met Your Mother_  
**Notes**: Thank you to the lovely independentwriter-137 for offering to beta and editing this chapter for me. And thank _you_ for all the kind reviews. :)

* * *

_Italics —_ Future!Dick

Normal Font — Past!Dick

* * *

.

.

_Kids, as you know, your Aunt M'gann's telepathy was used on several occasions and became our main form of communication during our missions. But as the months went by, we each learned that M'gann herself was having difficulty using it only when we needed her to, unlike on Mars where she used it all the time._

.

.

1 month ago:

"Oh, I know! We should have a Disney movie marathon!" Wally suggested.

M'gann clapped her hands together with glee. "That would be great—that way we could watch all the movies that Earth kids have watched. What do you think Conner?"

The Boy of Steel next to her merely crossed his arms and grunted.

"Perfect. Don't worry Meg-a-licious, I'll show you _a whole new world_!"

Suddenly, Wally became stiff, and readjusted his position after. He cleared his throat and walked out of the living room without saying anything else but an 'I have to go'.

Artemis laughed, placing an arm along the other girl's shoulders. "You rock, M'gann!"

"What do you mean?"

"You just rejected Kid Oblivious without saying a word!"

M'gann's eyes widened before floating to the kitchen area. "Oh no! I didn't mean for that to be public. I'm sorry, Wally! Wally!"

.

2 weeks ago:

"M'gann…"

The green girl turned around. "Yes, Robin?"

"_Please_ stop thinking about Superboy…without his shirt on."

Suddenly, she looked like a half-ripe tomato about to burst. "Oh…Um…Please try to forget you saw that."

"Exactly what I'm trying to do here…"

.

Yesterday:

"Does anyone know the answer to this question?" Mr. Carr asked, though no one bothered to raise their hands.

Conner could've answered, of course, but even he knew that there was a fine line between answering diligently and answering _too much_ of Lucas Carr's questions in civics class.

'_I should answer the question…'_

He turned to see Megan on the other side of the room. She was letting her thoughts go astray _again_ for the third time that day.

'_Oh, but what if I get it wrong…'_

'_Maybe I'll review my notes after class instead of hanging out with the girls…'_

'_What if I make a fool out of myself?'_

Peeved with the voice in his head, Conner slammed both hands on the desk, pushing himself up from the seat. "Just answer the question!"

He froze.

Mr. Carr's eyebrow rose and every single classmate turned to face the boy in the Superman shirt.

"Is there something wrong, Conner?"

"Uh…" He turned to see Megan's apologetic face. Then with a sigh, remembering an old excuse that Wally once explained to him, he said, "I'm feeling a bit under the weather. Could I…Could I be excused?"

Mr. Carr stared at the boy questionably, but nodded his head anyway.

'_Sorry, Conner!_'

.

.

_So it did take a while for your Aunt M'gann to get the gist of things here on Earth, but the team wasn't angry at all. In fact, believe it or not kids, we actually helped train her._

.

.

"M'gann, have I got a mission for you!" I announce, using my hand on the edge of the furniture as leverage as I back flip onto the couch. I squish myself in between her and Conner, half sitting on her lap and half annoying Conner—not my fault he takes up so much space.

She cranes her neck to face me, bright smile that contrasts with her green skin and an innocent, naïve expression printed all over.

I have a theory though, and I feel that I'm somewhat psychic. I mean, after all these years of being exposed to Gotham pollution and chemical poisons from Batman's rogues, I _have _to have some sort of mutant superpower, right? I'm calling on me being sort of psychic.

If that, along with my experience with girls (in both this and my past life), have taught me anything, it's that what M'gann is really trying to tell me is to _never_ sit on her lap again, and don't _ever_ interrupt her time with Conner unless it's a medical emergency in which a bat-a-rang was indented into my head and I was close to bleeding to death.

M'gann's not really innocent as she seems.

And she _really_ needs to keep her thoughts to herself. That last one about the bat-a-rang in my head gave me nightmares for weeks.

"Yes, Robin?"

Her smile widens again and I know well enough to slide off her lap.

"How would you like to come to Gotham for a day?" At the suggestion, I could see every team member raise their heads with intrigued looks. Yeah, I said it. _Gotham City_. Home of The Batman. Where the infamous Joker and Two-Face reside. _The_ place that's even more legendary than Atlantis.

"Aren't metas banned from…Gotham?" Artemis asks.

I roll my eyes behind my mask. For someone from Gotham, she sure sounds like she didn't even want to step on the sidewalk where the drug dealers trade, and school children roam. I mean, it's not like those two groups are interacting with each other.

"So?" I give a shrug. And then a light bulb goes off. "Hey, you guys could come _too_! What a great idea, Arty."

Her eyes widen, so much so that it reminds me of earlier today when we were in school and I drew a miniature Speedy on her cast. She yelled at me in Vietnamese and then added a slur of other words; I'm pretty sure it was something along the lines of: I can't wait to get this damn cast off!

"W-Wait, I didn't suggest—"

"It'll be great for team bonding, don't you think, Kaldur?" I jump from my seat and hang my legs on the steel bars that I had convinced Batman to put up on the mountain walls _just cause_.

Our leader stares at the floor contemplatively, but even _he_ looks like is about to break down at the thought of going to Gotham. Oh fearless one, why art thou so hesitant?

"While spending our weekend together would be beneficial for our team dynamics…" _Finally_, he looks up and stares straight at me. "I do not think that Gotham would be a great idea, unless Batman approves."

Ugh. Lame.

"Guys, Batman's going to be working and having a regular, _human_ life. He's not going to pay attention to some measly teenagers roaming around the streets and finishing one of _the_ most epic missions of all time."

Suddenly, Wally is right in front of me with a frantic look on his face. "_Dude_, you can't have the most epic mission of all time when I'm still on probation!"

.

.

_Kids, remember that time when I told you your Uncle Wally skipped all his afternoon classes so that he could come to Gotham and help your Aunt Artemis out after breaking her arm and then his parents and Batman found out?_

_He ended up not showing his face in Gotham for another five weeks until I had convinced Bruce to let him come to my birthday, but only after he and Wally had a talk._

_It's still the reason why you will rarely see Wally in Gotham._

.

.

I shrug. "Your loss, bro." I turn to the others. "_So_, are you guys up to it? Come on…it'll be fun," I sing. "You know you want to see what Gotham is like…"

"Er…But Batman's rules…"

"Rules schmules, M'gann. Batman won't know a thing." I smirk. Oh yeah, they're tempted alright. I just need the finishing touch: Kaldur. Maybe all those years of going to Bruce's parties paid off after all. If only I can take off my mask now, _then _they could see me be the charmer that Gotham sees on primetime television. "What do you say, Kal? Gonna give ol' Gotham another try?"

The others must not know about it, well, everyone but Wally, because they all give Kaldur questioning looks. Seriously, Kaldur? You haven't told them one of _the_ most epic stories of all time? I'm ashamed of you. Really.

"_Oh_, so you haven't told the team about your first trip to Gotham. Well, it _is_ a great team bonding stor—"

"Enough," Kaldur commands. He really does look like a fish out of water, all wide eyed and gasping for a little H2O. "_Enough_, Robin," he repeats. "If Conner, M'gann, and Artemis are willing, I will agree to this…mission of yours."

I grin.

_So_ aster.

.

.

_And so everyone but Wally went to Gotham that day, and while we tried to convince him that he could be inside the invisible bio-ship, he was taking extra precautions and decided to stay home for the day._

_Meanwhile, I instructed the team to meet me at the center of our beloved Gotham._

.

.

"This place is a dump."

I fight the urge to slap my forehead. "Artemis, you _live_ here. You can't call Gotham a dump."

She frowns. "No, I mean this place _is_ a dump. Why the hell are we meeting in an alleyway when we're in our civvies?"

I shrug. "I thought it'd be an easy place to find."

"Easy place to…You're telling me that you think Kal, Megan, and Conner are going to be able to find us in a random, rat-infested, cigarette covered alleyway in _Gotham-freaking-City_?!"

I nod.

Artemis frowns and lowers her head as she rubs her temples. "Oh my God, I'm going to be stuck in an alleyway all night with a thirteen year old brat and no one's going to come rescue me if I scream unless it's Batman and—ugh, he's going to start questioning why I'm hanging out with his thirteen year old bat brat—"

"You know I can hear you right?"

"—and he's wearing a hideous wig and won't tell me why the hell he's wearing a fugly ass wig—"

I just _can't_ wait to introduce Artemis to Alfred.

Speaking of wigs, I take out the compact disc from my utility belt—I don't care what Wally or Artemis say, it is _not_ unmanly—and check to see if the brown hair is still in place. I don't know how Bruce does it. I cannot keep a wig on my head for the life of me.

"Artemis, chill. I told you, Kal's been here before so he's bringing Megan and Conner. They'll be here shortly. And I _already_ told you an hour ago, I'm a wanted criminal here in the city—don't ask why, you don't want to know—and the Bats wouldn't like it if he's going to have to find _another_ partner because I got arrested."

The expression she gives me is similar to the one I got the first time I told her that story; it is somewhat a mix of fear, doubt, and anxiety.

Luckily, before she could question me any further, the rest of the team (sans Wally) shows up. Psh, and Artemis thought they wouldn't get here by nightfall. They question my hair, of course. These guys really do know how to flatter someone. I mean, I know I look good with my original hair colour, but must they comment on me with this too? Awe, shucks.

"Ah-hem."

I turn to Kaldur. One look at him and I know he's already slightly—okay, maybe _really_—pissed off at me for putting him in charge of leading the other two. Maybe he did have trouble finding the alleyway. I mean, the last time he was here…Well, a lot of things happened.

Ah, good times.

I could see Kaldur fidgeting uncomfortably, not liking the turtleneck we made him wear to cover his gills. Man, it must suck to be a fish-man out of water.

"Now that everyone's here, mind telling us what this 'epic' mission is, Rob?"

"Patience, Arty. Just follow me, guys." I gesture a hand motion and lead them towards one of the tallest skyscrapers in Gotham: Wayne Industries.

Or, well, I lead them to the post office across the street from Wayne Industries. And I hope that after what, two, three months of training, we're covert enough to avoid the ominous Bruce Wayne who is probably sitting in his office chair right now hoping for the world to blow up or something so he could get out of his meeting. God, I hope I'm not expected to be the next Batman _and_ Bruce Wayne. Too many issues in one person. I don't think I would be able to handle it.

The team is getting rowdy, even though the office is just another block or two away. So much for being superheroes, but maybe, and I'm seventy percent sure this is true, it's just the feeling of being in the Gotham air that nerved them. Whatever. They don't realize that Gotham, as busy as it is now, isn't really alive for another…oh, two hours or so. Whenever the sun sets, which should be soon seeing as the winter seasons are approaching.

"Quick, behind the wall!" I yell, and push them all to the nearest alleyway.

"What was that for?!" Conner yells back.

"Oh nothing, just thought I saw a cop…" I smirk and readjust the wig, making sure Artemis sees my nod. Heh, better keep the mission going before she decides to strangle me.

She's definitely not whelmed today.

When we're a good distance away from the office, I point through the glass windows.

"You see that woman on the phone there?" I point to the secretary at the front desk with the white blouse on.

The others nod.

"See if you can take a little peek into her mind for me. Just so I know what's up with her," I instruct.

Conner uncrosses his arms. "That's it? You made us all sneak here only to read some woman's mind?"

"Heh, chill, Con," I say with both of my hands up in the air. "If you wanted to fight that badly, all you have to do is wait until the sun sets.

"Er…"

Can Kryptonians get goose bumps? If so, I can _so_ totally see some on his arms

I turn to Megan. "So can you do it from here, or do you have to go inside?"

She looks to the side for a moment and then confirms with a simple nod. "I'm good here, Rob. I just…need a moment."

"Okay, good," I tell her. "She used to be a criminal, and the Bats and I highly suspect that she's planning a heist soon. You don't have to go too far into her mind, just try to figure out her plans for the next few days."

Megan nods and as she stares blankly though the glass doors, the rest of us surround her, pretending to chat and blend in with the crowd.

"So, uh, Arty…How's Wally?" I ask.

She gives me some sort of what-the-fudge-are-you-talking-about look and I smile innocently, turning to Kaldur after.

"_Kal_, everything going swell underwater, I bet. How's Ariel?"

He raises an eyebrow initially, but the moment he sees my grin and Artemis's and Conner's faces on him, he regains his posture. He clears his throat.

"As I have told you before, Rob. Ariel's current living situation is on the surface world with his Majesty, Prince Eric."

Good for you, Kaldur, I've taught you well.

"Fascinating," I respond and in the corner of my eyes, I see Artemis shaking her head.

"I'm surrounded by trolls," she mutters.

Conner cocks his head to the side. "I don't…get it. Who's Prince Eric?"

I'm about to go through an extensive history on the foreign prince who escaped reigns and terrors of Greenland only to come to Canada where the moose and geese held him hostage for eleven years, and it wasn't until he met a kind Hobbit that he was able to break free and discover the mermaidian population in Atlantis, when _unfortunately, _Megan shifts from her position.

"I'm done," she says meekly. She turns around and faces all of us…Is she sunburned?

Wait. If Martians can't handle fire, but are _burned_ by the sun, AKA a giant, _fiery_ ball of gas, is that a bad sign? Is she going to lose her morphing abilities? Shoot, we're going to have to carry a seven foot, white Martian back to the zeta portals, aren't we? Or well, Conner will. Maybe we can hide her in Wayne Industries and claim she's their new mascot for whatever it is that Bruce is planning on launching from his company next.

Oh God, _Bruce_. He's going to kill me if he finds out I brought the team here.

"Uh, Megan, are you okay?" Artemis asks. "You're looking a little red."

She shakes her head, yes. "I'm fine, Artemis."

Awesome. Bruce won't find out after all.

"Did you figure out what her plans are?"

At the thought, Megan's cheeks become rosier than before, and she shies away by looking at the pavement below our feet.

"Is something wrong, Megan?"

She starts off by stuttering, and then finally, she says: "Well she's dating Bruce Wayne…he runs Wayne Industries."

Well no freaking duh.

I hear something like a hum coming from Artemis. The type of hum women usually make whenever Bruce enters the ballroom at our parties and the occasional man—for whatever reason I still don't understand. I insist that Megan continues.

"Um, uh…"

There's a hint of green peeking through her Caucasian skin, only to be concealed by the redness of her cheeks, making it look like one of us had given dear old Megan here a nasty bruise. That's not good. If Selina's plans are _that _drastic and have left Megan speechless, then I need to get Bruce out of that relationship ASAP.

"You can tell us, Megan," I say.

She looks straight up at me and then mutters: "They're just things that she wants to do to Bruce Wayne."

Behind my glasses, my eyes widen. "What things? Steal his money? Poison him? Kidnap his butler and make him wait on her hand and foot? Inject cats with radioactive spider venom?"

Okay, so that last one is a bit of a stretch—blame Wally and his comic collection—but considering this _is_ Gotham, the chances of there being radioactive spider venom is still more likely than any other places.

"Um…Not exactly. Just _things_."

"Yeah, like what?"

She turns to the others, all of whom have either reddened faces or are looking away. "Guys…a little help?"

"Oh my God, Rob, you're so naïve," Artemis tells me.

My brows furrow and I turn back to Megan. "I don't get it. What was she thinking?" If she's not thinking about killing Batman, or stealing from Bruce Wayne, _what_ could she think about?"

And suddenly, my skills come into play. I mean, I can't tell what it is that she's thinking, but based on Megan's flustered face, I'm assuming she's trying to say something along the lines of: 'if someone doesn't tell this brat what I saw, I'm going to personally send his naïve little mind a screenshot of what will forever pollute my 48 year old mind.'

Gosh, if I wasn't so awesome being Robin already, I could play the role of the team's psychic…I just need a little work on the details. And should I be worried that Megan can totally sound like Artemis sometimes?

Speaking of Arty, she steps into my line of vision with her hands at her hips. "Here, let me. She's thinking about fuc—"

Kaldur clears his throat loudly. "_Perhaps_ a little more subtlety might work in case we run into the unfortunate situation in which Rob's _mentor_ is listening," he tells Artemis, and _finally_, he addresses me. "Rob, do you remember the afternoon we spent with Roy in Star City two years ago? We came back earlier than expected, and we ran into Oliver and Dinah… on the kitchen table..."

I go through my database of childhood memories.

Ollie and Dinah…Well there was that one time when we stepped in and the moment Wally and I got into the kitchen, Roy and Kaldur covered our eyes and insisted we leave…I did get away from Roy though and…Oh.

_Oh._

OH.

NO..

GROSS. WHAT.

The others snicker at my face, but I'm _clearly_ not amused. I'm _dis_amused. _In_amused. _Un_amused. Why isn't unamused considered a word?

"_That's_ what she's thinking about in the middle of the day?!" I exclaim. Even Conner is shaking his head.

"Among other things…" Megan says.

"What other things?"

"Just normal stuff. What colour she should paint her nails, what she's going to make for lunch tomorrow…"

I groan. "Are you sure she wasn't plotting anything? Did you look deep enough?"

"I looked deep enough into her consciousness to know that nothing you're accusing her of is on her mind."

Well there goes that plan. So what if she's not openly thinking about harming Bruce in any way. I still don't trust her. And _technically_, Megs is still in training. There's still the possibility of her not capturing all of Selina's thoughts.

Suddenly, _The Eye of the Tiger_ is heard and I _know_ –much to my chagrin—just where it's coming from. I fish out my phone and turn on the screen. It's a text from Bruce.

Oh no.

I gulp and I can feel all eyes on me.

_Look up._

—B

Shifting my vision towards the familiar building across the street, I could barely make out a figure standing by the window of what I know to be Bruce's office.

"Is something wrong, Rob?" Megan asks.

I sigh.

"We need to go. _He_ knows we're here."

And then all hell breaks loose and I swear I've never seen _Wally_ move this quickly. Black Canary would be proud actually, with how covert _and_ speedy everyone is with getting their sh—stuff together and ducking for cover.

I don't even get a chance to say goodbye to them because Artemis has already escaped back to her apartment and Kaldur is leading Conner and Megan to the nearest zeta tube. I frown and I decide to stop by Wayne Industries anyway because at least I'll get a ride from Bruce and get the lecture over with.

_And_ of course, I'm grounded.

Bruce isn't even in the car for less than a minute before he tells me to go to my room once we get home, and that he's ashamed of what I did. He spends another twenty minutes –blame the city traffic—explaining that I should get used to Selina and start to trust her because Bruce trusts her.

Once we arrive at the manor, it's a full blown argument since he's keeping me from patrol for the rest of the week.

It somehow starts with: "Well it's not like I'm doing much anyway considering how Batman's new partner is _Catwoman_ and not Robin!" and ends with: "If you feel about it that way then you're grounded for _two_ weeks from patrol!"

So here I am, in the confinements of my room with all my electronics taken away and deprived of Alfred's cookies. I can hear Selina downstairs, but Bruce must have told her today's not a good day for her to be here because I can see Alfred drive her home from my window.

Suddenly, I hear a knock, and I _know_ that's Bruce trying to settle our argument. He does it every time.

"Richard," he starts and God, I hate it when he uses that name. Everything's just _so serious_ when he uses it, and it _is_ serious, but the name just makes things so legit. He sits down on the corner of my bed, just a foot or two away from me.

"I don't want you to ever feel like I'm replacing you with Selina."

Tell that to the Gotham Gazette. I'm sure they'd love to reprint their _Batman & Catwoman Spotted Together_ article from last week.

"But you have to understand that what you did today was _not_ right. It was a huge invasion of Selina's privacy. I'm sure you wouldn't want her to send a psychic after you to look at your deepest thoughts."

Ugh, I hate it when he's right.

"Look, Dick, I understand why you don't trust her, but don't you have a bit of faith in me? I can look out for myself and I would never let anyone come close to our family if I knew they would deliberately hurt you or Alfred."

"We just caught her last year though, Bruce," I tell him. "How can she go from Gotham villainess to an innocent civilian in just a few short months?"

"I don't know, but I trust her."

"But how?"

"You'll understand when you're in a relationship, Dick."

I roll my eyes. "I'm thirteen, Bruce. I doubt I'm going to be in one any time soon."

He smiles. "Right. For now, just try to get to know her and you'll see that she's not so bad." He gets up from my bed and walks towards the doorway. Before he leaves, he adds: "Your punishment is still in effect, by the way, but I still want you to be at the mountain tomorrow."

I perk up. "What?"

"There's someone I want you to meet."

Oh no. Not this again.

"She's Giovanni's daughter—he wants her to have some friends who understand her _other_ life as he put it, but you get that. He'll bring her by Happy Harbour tomorrow afternoon."

"Fine. Whatever."

"Oh, and one more thing: her name is Zatanna."

Bruce closes the door and I'm left alone in my room. How odd. My phone, my laptop and iPod were taken away as punishment. But I'm still left with my gauntlet _and_ the name of Zatara's daughter. But didn't Bruce just tell me that what I did was an invasion of Selina's privacy?

Ugh, Bruce, why don't you ever make sense?

Oh well, I'm not going to deny my privileges. I mean, snooping into people's territory _is_ kind of my thing, so I pull up the file I know Bruce has on Giovanni Zatara and find this Zatanna girl's folder.

There's nothing but a photo, which I waste no time opening.

Wow. Um.

She's actually really, really pretty.

Like, _really_ pretty.

I look up at the door again, and back down to the photo of the most beautiful, dark haired girl I've ever seen. And she's _my age_.

"Damn it," I mutter; thankfully, Alfred's still out or else there'd be a bar of soap in my mouth right about now—the man has Vulcan hearing.

Bruce is trying to get me off Selina's back.

Bruce is trying to _distract_ me with this girl.

Well, old man…The game is _on_.

Go ahead. Let her try to distract me. I'm _not_ falling for this one.

.

.

_And kids, I did end up falling for Zatanna Zatara, but we'll get to that later._

.

.

* * *

**A/N:** And yay! Someone's going to be introduced next chapter ;D

I'm mostly attempting to go by YJ season 1 canon, though mixing a few dates up a bit (ie. instead of something happening in October, I'm going to make it happen in November). Also, I'm trying to tell new stories that go around the actual events in the show, rather than rewriting the episode itself.

Please review!


	5. Chapter 5

**Title**: How We Came to Be  
**By**: Xmarksthespot  
**Disclaimer**: I don't own YJ or _How I Met Your Mother_  
**Notes**: Thank you to the lovely independentwriter-137 for editing this chapter for me. And thank _you_ for all the kind reviews. :)

* * *

_Italics —_ Future!Dick

Normal Font — Past!Dick

* * *

.

.

_Kids, you have no idea how happy I was on the days you two were born. The moment I got to hold you in my arms, see your tiny eyes open and wander at the life in front of you, the look on your mother's face as she half smiled, half cried at the beautiful baby in her arms…_

_And I know that sometimes our lives get the best of us, and we miss an important date or two, sometimes even our own child's birthday in extreme situations, but that doesn't mean we don't care or love you._

_In fact, no parent in the history of mankind will ever forget the day their son or daughter was brought into this world._

.

.

PARENT-TEACHER NIGHT

The words are attached on the board like Wally on food. And I sigh. And I groan. And I look over to see Artemis doing the same thing but obviously for an entirely different reason.

I mean, I understand why she wouldn't want Paula here. Gotham Academy kids are harsh and not to mention nosy. One search and her mother's history with the GCPD will be out in the open. But she should be fine; if I recall, Bruce _should_ have hidden those files when Artemis joined the team.

_Brucie_ on the other hand, will be the most epic embarrassment of mankind. He will trump Brucie of 2009, and be crowned king of all parent-teacher interviews of 2010. He will make that wine bottle opener that exploded and hit our teacher in the eye look like a mere paper cut compared to this year.

Oh God, he's going to tell everyone my Superman-phase again.

Ugh. Time to wallow in self-loathe and pity.

At least until the week is over.

.

.

_Kids, while I was contemplating how to get Bruce out of my Parent-Teacher interview, little did I know, my friends were going through the exact same thing._

.

.

Keystone:

"—_especially_ you, Mr. West. I expect your parents to be here that night."

"Yes, sir," Wally says, internally groaning as his teacher handpicks him amongst the two dozen kids in his class.

"And don't you think you can run away from this. You're not as fast as you think you are—trust me, I've seen your grades for gym."

.

Happy Harbour:

'_I wonder if Uncle J'onn can make it for the night…'_

While Megan's thoughts are bleeding again, Conner can't help but let his head fall down to his desk. Who to ask? There's always Batman, but he's probably with Robin. Then there's Black Canary, or his newfound father, Lex Luthor—okay, crossing that out.

And then there's _him._

Superman.

Conner frowns.

"Mr. Carr, what if my parents can't make it that night?" He asks.

"Then we'll just reschedule the appointment," his teacher answers.

Conner's frown deepens.

Maybe Martian Manhunter could morph into his parent too.

.

Atlantis:

"I am…sorry?" Kaldur questions, looking up from his kneeled position.

"I wish to speak with your parents, Kaldur'ahm."

He gulps. "May I ask—"

His majesty shakes his head. "No," he says simply. "Just go tell your parents I will schedule a banquet by the end of this week, and I wish for their attendance."

Kaldur bows once more, though more nervously. "Of course."

.

.

_Kids, you'd think that being Bruce Wayne and Batman at the same time would leave your grandfather with very little time to check up on us, but on that particular afternoon, after we discussed about having your aunt M'gann shape shift into our parental figure for each individual parent-teacher meeting, he responded with a loud, blaring horn on the speakers, followed by a lecture through the mountain's 60 inch TV._

_So our plans never really went through. All we had left to do was wait for the inevitable._

.

.

"This sucks."

Artemis snorts and tosses the tennis ball in my direction in her finally-free-from-the-wretched-cast-arm. I catch it without glancing up from my computer. I throw it to Conner who catches it with ease, and I think he passes it to Kaldur, but after hearing silence, it's M'gann who has it in the air.

"What's wrong with your interview, Baywatch?"

"Ugh, my parents don't know about my grades."

I raise an eyebrow. I haven't had time to take a peek at his school records recently—with his permission, of course, considering how curious my right-hand man really is—so I don't really know what's slipping. I give him a look and he sighs.

"Gym," he answers, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. And it kind of is. I'm _allowed_ to excel in every class because no-freaking-duh, I'm Bruce Wayne's kid, and I'm kind of awesome at gym class only because everyone knows my circus roots, so long as I don't show off too much.

Wally, on the other hand, can't even lower himself by a teensy fraction when it comes to gym class. He can only be grade A fantastic, or a fail. Clearly, he's chosen to be the kid who gets picked last in gym.

It's Artemis's turn with the ball again and she aims for the invisible target three feet above me. Naturally, I do a double back flip and catch it before passing it to Kaldur. She nods it off, but I can see the glint in her eyes that indicates she's trying to get me off of my game.

Che, I'd like to see you try, Arty.

"Look, I'm just worried for my mom's sake. She has no idea how horrible the kids are at my school."

Although I don't say it, I disagree. Even in a wheelchair, I'm pretty sure Artemis's mom can kick their butts. I mean, she was _Huntress_. The Huntress. I'm kind of anticipating a showdown between the former villainess that still makes goonies cry, and the measly CEOs of Gotham City.

I turn to Kaldur. Boy, is he upset. More upset than what Wally and I made him do the first night he came to Gotham—okay, don't laugh. Don't laugh.

Hah. That memory still makes me laugh.

"What could my King want? Have I done something wrong?" He mutters to himself, and we all ignore him. Earlier when we asked, he just blubbered something in Atlantean and went back to his self-loathing mode.

It's funny how we all have that.

We eventually shoo M'gann off into the kitchen to bake something for us. She's completely _ecstatic _about her very first parent-teacher interview, and she's already roped J'onn into it. Clearly, none of us want to hear how wonderful it will be and how eager she is for her review as a high school student.

Conner on the other hand…

Well, Mama and Papa Kent will be hearing about this if it doesn't go well, and I'll _personally_ go tell them myself. Er, if Bruce ungrounds me first.

I still have thirteen days left before I can go on patrol too, and I _would _be at home right now if it weren't for this _Zatanna_ girl that he wants me to meet so badly. Hi, I'm Robin, hi, I'm Zatanna, blah, blah, blah, we become teammates, and we become friends, etcetera. Big whoop.

I'm glad he actually let me outside of the house during my punishment, but to _distract_ me from Selina with this girl? Pfft, Bruce, I'm thirteen. I saw the photo. Sure, she's cute, but there is _no_ way this girl is anything close to speci—

_Zatanna Zatara: A-0-3—Authorization: Zatara: 1-1_

She walks to us. Dark hair. Catholic, school girl uniform. Blue-green eyes. How can someone look so much like their photo and yet so different? She's _not_ the girl I saw in Bruce's files last night. She's…She's something else.

M'gann steps forward first.

"Hi, I'm—"

"Robin!" I say, interrupting any sort of introduction the rest of my teammates are planning.

Annnnnnd there goes the rest of my dignity. Hey, at least she seems to appreciate my charm.

We kidnap her for the day, venture out into the open without our mentors' permission. I forget about Bruce and Selina. Conner and the others forget about parent-teacher night. And when the day ends, I forget that I was ever disinterested in this girl.

In fact, all I want to do is remember her. Think about her when she's away and talk to her when she's here. I mean, she makes a nonchalant guy like me be…well, _chalant_.

But, like all good things in life, our day comes to an end.

"You are grounded _for life_!" Zatara tells his daughter, and we wince at his voice. And then his face softens, and he puts his hand on her shoulder. He talks to Zatanna in a quieter, more nurturing voice that we can only hear bits of from afar.

I glance at Conner who's visibly upset. We all know what he's thinking.

Suddenly, I hear an alarm coming from my gauntlet, and I know it's time to go home. I excuse myself and wave to Zatanna goodbye, giving her my playful grin and despite her father's dismay, I invite her to the cave again.

"Sure, maybe you can show me those moves of yours next time," she replies and I can see Zatara's face grow purple.

Yeah…She's pretty special.

.

.

_So I went back to Gotham that night, locked myself in my room and continued my two week sentence without any electronics as per Bruce's demands. But kids, I didn't need my electronics that night._

_That night, everyone on the team but your Uncle Conner had the same thing in mind: if Superman wasn't going to own up and talk to his son, we were going to make him do it ourselves._

_Turns out, we didn't have to._

.

.

M'gann sends me a text. Unlike Gotham Academy, Happy Harbour High School does their interviews one on one, with the guardian or parent coming in with their kid at a scheduled time. Apparently hers went well, and J'onn is pleased with her school life.

Here at Gotham Academy though…It's all grown up talk. Suits and ties and pencil skirts galore. I don't even understand most of it. All the adults just show up at once and go "Har, har, har, I made twenty million this month. How much did you make?"

They hire servers who bring out the champagne, and teachers try to impress the parents and boast about how well each kid is doing even though they're really not.

"Hey, Dick."

I turn around and it's Barbara. If anyone can cheer me up from this social disaster, it's her.

"Where's Bruce?"

I shrug. "Still at work. He's supposed to be here in half an hour, so I'm just mentally preparing myself."

She laughs. "Well good luck. I can't wait to hear what stories he has for us this year."

And then the big, scary moustached man approaches us. He calls Barbara away from me. Commissioner Gordon, you really know how to be impeccable with your timing, don't you?

I glance at the clock. Bruce should be here soon.

No, wait. Scratch that out.

_Brucie_.

.

.

_While I was waiting for Bruce to yet again make a fool out of himself for that year's parent-teacher interview, your Aunt Artemis was on the other side of the school, so I wasn't quite sure what was going on. But I did end up getting a few details of what happened between Paula Crock and the CEOs, and boy, was I right. Huntress _did_ make an impression._

_An everlasting one at that._

.

.

One year later:

I watch from afar with both of my eyebrows rising so high, I'm scared they'll fall off my forehead.

There, in the middle of the ballroom, is Artemis wheeling her mother inside, down the _red carpet_, and every business man and woman, every inventor and celebrity steps aside, like she's freaking _Moses_ and they're the sea.

"Paula, I hope you're doing well," one man says.

"Yes, it's very nice to see you again," another woman exclaims. "You'll _have_ to tell me your skincare regimen. You look even younger than the last time I saw you!"

The others nod in agreement, and I can see some of them gulping in fear as she moves closer to them.

All Paula Crock does is smirk and waves a hand for Artemis to continue pushing her through the school.

.

.

_Like I said, we were all waiting for the inevitable, and while Kaldur explained later that Aquaman just wanted to celebrate his leadership of the team by inviting his parents, relieving him considerably, Conner was with Black Canary waiting for his meeting to start._

_Thing is, at that very moment, it wasn't just her being there for him. There was someone else too…Or rather, some _people_._

.

.

"Conner?"

Conner looks up to see Dinah standing in front of him. He has been standing in the hallways waiting for his and her turn to talk to the teachers—she is playing his aunt for the night.

"If it's okay with you, there's someone else who's willing to go to your interview with you."

He furrows his brows in question, but then cocks his head to the side. There, walking down the hallway is _the_ most boring looking person he has ever had the privilege of seeing. Professor-like glasses, perfectly combed back hair, a flannel shirt beneath a cheap suit.

And he looks exactly like Conner does.

His mouth drops open and he glances at Dinah's amused face.

The man smiles. "Clark Kent. It's…nice to finally meet you, Conner." He holds out his hand to shake Conner's.

The clone gives one last look at Dinah before nodding his head.

"I'll leave you two alone," she says.

Conner gulps. "So you're…"

Clark laughs lightly. "Yeah. I-I…I actually wanted to apologize to you first for—"

"Well, well. Looks like I'm still early."

Both Kryptonians turn around and if Wally has taught Conner anything, then _this_ would be the perfect opportunity to do a facepalm because not only is his so-called daddy in front of him (finally), but his _other_ father is here too.

"Fan-freaking-tastic," Conner mutters, and he can distinctively see the frown on Clark's face, but it's Lex who speaks up.

"Mind your language, Conner."

"I didn't ask you to be here, Lex," he responds.

The bald man clicks his tongue. "Of course you didn't, but as your _father_, I had to be here for your parent-teacher interview." He turns to the other man. "Clark."

"Lex."

"I'm just going to cut to the chase," Clark says. "You don't have to be here, Lex. I'm sure you have some big corporate meeting you have to attend to—"

"Nonsense, Clark. This is Conner we're talking about. Who wouldn't make time for their own son?"

.

.

_Now it was funny that Lex had told Clark and Conner that, because at that very moment in Gotham, I received a text from your grandfather._

.

.

After forty-five minutes of waiting for Bruce, Artemis walks up to me at the same time as my phone vibrates. I can see Paula interacting with the other grownups—I _knew_ Huntress would kick butt today—but I still find it strange that _Artemis Crock _is _willingly_ talking to me. Richard Grayson, mathlete and acrobat extraordinaire.

The only question running through my mind is: why hasn't she approached me sooner?

"Hey," she says weakly.

"_Arty_, looking good. I see you look just as stunning out of the school uniform as you do in it," I tell her, and somewhere in Keystone City, Wally's speedster senses are probably tingling in the midst of his horrendous parent-teacher interview.

She rolls her eyes, but I can see a faint blush on her cheeks. Hm, definitely should try that comment on Zatanna next time she comes by. Barbara would probably hit me.

"Er, where's Bruce Wayne?" She asks, and then fixes herself. "I-I mean, I wanted to thank him for the scholarship. I know this isn't the most appropriate of times, but still…"

I smile. Bruce would be glad to know she appreciates it. Speaking of that man, I look down at the text on my phone.

_Tell Alfred not to make dinner for me. I'm out with Selina and we're stuck in traffic right now._

–_Bruce_

I sigh. Figures he would forget about the interview tonight—and to go out with the _Cat_ too. Ugh.

I look back up at Artemis and fake a smile. "Looks like he's not coming. I'll see you tomorrow in pre-calc, Artemis."

.

.

_And suddenly, as I left Gotham Academy alone, ignoring the looks on Barbara's and Artemis's faces, I realized something: I missed Bruce. I missed the embarrassment he brought whenever he showed up and discussed horrid stories of my childhood. I missed it when he and the other Gotham CEOs would make fools of themselves._

_He wasn't my dad. There was already someone else taking that role in my life. But the truth is, I wanted him to be one. I wanted him to be the type of parent who didn't forget about their child for something as simple as a parent-teacher night at school._

_And at the time, my only concern was to get rid of the source of the problem, but I'll tell you about that later._

_Back at Happy Harbour, Conner was still waiting for his parent-teacher interview to start, and kids, over the years, your Uncle Conner has told me again and again that this, without a doubt, was the most immature conversation he had ever witnessed._

.

.

Conner has, at that point, given up—not a good look on his resume as a superhero, really—convincing Lex to leave the premises. Yeah, the bald man is evil. Sure, he wants to take over the world and make Superman crawl at his feet, and by extension, Conner's team and newfound friends. But he just had _no_ oppourtunity to tell the guy off.

Instead, _Clark_ is doing that. Or at least, he's trying to.

"I'm telling you, Clark. It was an _accident_. I didn't _deliberately_ shoot you with Kryptonite."

"So you're telling me I _flew_ into your experimental laser beam filled with a tank of Kryptonite that rendered me powerless and on my deathbed for the next week?"

Lex rubs his temples. "_Yes_, I've been telling you for _years_."

Clark scoffs. "This is unbelievable. This is just like high school all over again."

Conner looks up from his seat, eyes wide. They knew each other back in _high school_?

There's an eye roll from the businessman. "Oh, you _always_ bring that up, don't you?"

"Wait," Conner interrupts. "What happened?"

Clark brushes it off and addresses Lex instead. "You _always_ know how to put the blame on others, and then you—"

Lucas Carr's head pokes out of his classroom. "Alrighty here, Mr. and Mrs. Kent?"

All three males turn to see the teacher, with Conner idly wondering if his genetic makeup can lead to him sweating, because he's seen Wally sweat buckets over the simplest things, and he feels like he could probably sweat an ocean for Kaldur to swim through.

He looks down at his palms.

Nope, no sweat yet.

Then he turns to the two adults; Clark looks distraught, and Lex is more than amused.

"Actually, he's Mr. Kent. _I_ would be Mr. Luthor as well as Conner's guardian," Lex says with his hand held out.

"Uh…" comes from Mr. Carr who shakes Lex's hand, directing a skeptical look at the other two.

"Hey now, I was here first," Clark interjects.

"Just because you were here first, Clark, doesn't mean you're fit to take part in this interview. Now why don't you go stack a few hay bales while Conner and I talk with his teacher?"

Conner has the urge to slap his forehead again.

"Conner?"

Sighing, he addresses his teacher. He looks from side to side—from Clark to Lex. Sure, he's always wanted to bond with Superman, but Lex…at the moment didn't seem so bad either. Unsurely, he says, "They're…both my…guardians?"

"Okay then, why don't you _both_ come into the classroom?"

So they step into the small room. Lex and Clark sat on the chairs opposite to Mr. Carr, with Conner wedged in the middle.

Carr gives a faint laugh. "I know I shouldn't ask, but you guys and I both know that I was once affiliated with the League."

Conner stares at his civics teacher dumbfounded. "What," he deadpans. He vaguely remembers Robin mentioning someone at this school that knows about the League, but he didn't think it was his _homeroom_ _teacher_.

He waves a hand over towards Lex and Clark, blatantly ignoring Conner. "So what is going on?"

Clark sighs. "Do you really want to explain, Lex?"

Lex is silent.

"Well?"

Finally, a chuckle falls out. "Would it be too much for the press if I say that both Clark and I fathered Conner?"

Mr. Carr's reaction isn't even comparable to the gagging noises coming out of Conner—Clark pats his back comfortingly, but gives Lex a glare. The boy looks up around the corners of his room, eyeing for any cameras that he _knows_ Robin has put up and will probably laugh at later.

Mr. Carr clears his throat. "I didn't, uh, know that Kryptonian men could get pre—"

"NO!" Clark yells, flustered by Carr's speculation. "Test tube baby," he says, as if it explains everything.

"Yes well, I like to keep my life private," Lex continues, and Clark starts coughing into his hands, smuggling the word 'liar' mid cough.

The CEO continues though, talking over Clark's coughing. "And it would be much appreciated if you kept _this_ a secret from the press. I'm sure Conner here would prefer moving on with his idyllic life."

The teacher nods. "Right, yeah. Well, I think that's enough questions from me. Why don't we start this interview?"

.

.

_The meeting between Lucas Carr, Lex Luthor, Clark Kent, and Conner Kent broke the record of any other high school parent-teacher interview at Happy Harbour, lasting a total of three hours and forty minutes, and cutting into six other students' interviews. Though according to your uncle, most of that time was spent with Carr and Conner watching Lex and Clark bicker like an old married couple._

_But thankfully, the meeting _did_ come to an end. Lex left for Metropolis, after inviting Conner and our team to his penthouse for the weekend, and Conner and Clark finally had a chance to talk._

.

.

Conner doesn't mind that he and Clark have to walk back to the mountain, seeing as Clark's car is back in Metropolis and he technically flew to Happy Harbour. They manage to chat. The old, boring look is because he's a reporter. The ring on his finger? He's married—Conner is surprised to hear that. The flannel shirt? His favourite shirt from when he was living on the farm in Smallville.

Clark promises to take Conner to Smallville one day, and after all these months, Conner can say he's truly happy. Everything is finally working out, for once.

They stop in front of the mountain.

"Look, I know it was wrong of me to avoid you the past few months, but if you want, I'll be willing to…teach you how to control your powers,"

Conner could feel his eyes brighten up at the suggestion. "That would be great!"

He could already see them now, flying through the skies of Metropolis and taking down villains together like every other Dynamic Duo he has heard of up to this point.

"...It's just…"

Conner snaps out of his fantasies, and sees Clark fidget with his glasses.

"We have to set some boundaries, Conner," the man says with a gulp.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm willing to be your mentor, and I'm glad you've picked a name for yourself, but when it comes to family relations…I _can't_ be your father."

And even if Conner can't sweat, he could _definitely_ feel his heart drop.

"Then why'd you even bother coming to this thing in the first place? Why did you even bother fighting Lex if you didn't want me? Did Batman make you?!" He yells in a fit of rage.

"No, it's just…" Clark tries to explain, but his voice dies. He looks away in shame.

"Fine, you know what, Clark? I've been managing without a mentor all this time, so I'm declining your offer!"

"Wait, Conner—"

But Conner refuses to listen. Rather, he stomps back into the mountain without a second glance at the reporter.

.

.

_Kids, your Uncles Clark and Conner had some serious issues to sort out that year. And while the League, your grandfather, and my team tried to convince Clark to accept the fact that he had a son to take care of, there was one thing we didn't know._

.

.

"Lois, I'm home!"

"I'm in the bathroom."

Clark frowns, knowing why his wife was there in the first place. Placing his coat onto the nearby rack, he makes his way to the bathroom just up ahead, opening the door slowly and peeking inside.

"Lois, you already checked yesterday."

"Can it, Smallville. I just need to be sure. You never know with these things," she says, but her confidence slips towards the end.

And so Clark stands by the doorway, watching his wife wave the item in her hands back and forth for several minutes and calming her down with his arms around her waist. He rests his head in the crook of her neck.

She eventually looks down, takes one look at the pregnancy test, and throws it into the trash. She removes his arms around her and walks back to their bedroom with red rimmed eyes.

"Lois…"

"It's negative."

.

.

* * *

**A/N:** Lex's and Clark's relationship and past, as well as Lois's personality, are based off of Smallville. Speaking of Clark and Lois, this had been one of my theories about Clark's uneasiness towards Conner in season 1 and chose to have him introduce himself to Conner earlier than the show. I realize this chapter didn't have much humour, and that I kinda strayed to the drama side a lot more...But I'm working on my comedy skills...

Zatanna didn't have a big role in this chapter, but like I said before, I'm going to be writing _around _the actual episodes, rather than repeating them, and obviously, she was grounded for life after her first visit by Zatara. She'll come in again later, so no worries!

Please review! :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Title**: How We Came to Be  
**By**: Xmarksthespot  
**Disclaimer**: I don't own YJ or _How I Met Your Mother_  
**Notes**: Hugeeee thank you to the lovely independentwriter-137 for editing this chapter for me. And thank _you_ for all the kind reviews. :)  
**About this chapter**: If you guys are fans of HIMYM (and I'm pretty sure based on the reviews that the majority of you have seen it), you'll get this chapter's huge reference. If not, well, I hope you still enjoy it!

* * *

_Italics —_ Future!Dick

Normal Font — Past!Dick

* * *

.

.

_Kids, being some of the youngest partners of the Justice League, your Uncles and I were under a lot of stress, whether it was adjusting with our civilian lives or dealing with being crime fighters against some of the toughest villains. So, whenever there was some downtime, we made sure to use it wisely._

_When it came to your Uncle Wally and I, fun was sometimes at the expense of someone else's frustrations, but being the naïve, innocent children we were, we continued to pull our pranks and gimmicks until we were wise enough not to do them._

_But then in December 2010, Uncle Wally decided that with him being 16 and me being 14, we were still young enough to have one last laugh._

_._

_._

"_What_ is that?" Artemis questions, eyes narrowing conspicuously at the thick, leather bound book with golden—made of real gold, obviously. Ten carat gold to be specific—cursive writing that is resting gorgeously in Wally's hands.

I crack a grin, leaping over our pillow fort and couches to meet with my partner in crime at the end of the other room.

"The bible! I haven't seen it in forever!" I call out, marveling at its beauty.

I can feel Conner's questioning gaze while M'gann and Zatanna—our new official member of the team and occupant at the cave— walk over. There's a squeak coming from the dining room chair as Kaldur shifts on his seat uncomfortably.

Heh.

He knows what's up.

"The bible?" Artemis repeats. She pulls the book from Wally's hold, and he and I gasp in shock. We hold out our hands and Wally begins to beg that she handles it with care.

"This isn't the bible," the blonde tells us, flipping through the bronze coloured pages. Zatanna and M'gann glance over her shoulders to take a peak.

"What is it?" Our new teammate asks.

We roll our eyes and I swipe it away from Artemis's arms to pet the cover lovingly.

"It is their prank book," Kaldur answers before we do and once more, Wally and I gasp outrageously.

Wally shakes his head, and joins me in petting our beloved. "_This_ is no ordinary prank book, Kaldur. You can't just deem it so!"

"You'll hurt its feelings," I say. And it's true. _Prank _book seems so…ordinary. _This?_ This is pure awesomeness.

"It has…been quite a while since you have used it. I had been hoping you and Robin had grown out of your phase and had discontinued to carry around such a thing," Kaldur continues, and looks down at the book worryingly.

Wally and I laugh and I hold it up into the air like Rafiki announcing the birth of Simba, the King of the Jungle. Except, you know, this is the king of kings. _This _is the—

"_Ploybook_," Wally says. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and he too, looks up at the item in my hands with pride. "It's _our_ Ploybook."

We sniff in amazement. I can't believe we even put it away for so long. _So_, so long. I feel like a bad father in a way. I bring the book back down to which Wally and I stare at it nostalgically again.

There's a snort from whom else but Artemis. She puts her hands on her hips and passes a look to the other girls.

"Wouldn't it be funny if Robin and Wally got together and adopt a bunch of kids to be a part of their superhero team of bats and speedsters?"

.

.

_Kids, you and I both know that didn't happen._

_And I swear, nothing ever went on between your Uncle Wally and I._

_Don't give me that look, I don't care what your mother says._

.

.

A look of curiosity and euphoric revelation crosses the faces of the others. I see Zatanna raise an eyebrow at me, and my mouth drops open. The voice in my mind is immediately screaming _danger_ because I _cannot_ let her think that Wally and I are—I can't believe they would even _think_ that we were—a couple.

"Pfft," Wally scoffs. "We're too straight to bend down that road and even_ if _I was remotely interested in guys, there's no way I would be with Robin of all people—no offense dude."

"None taken, bro," I respond.

"We'd still make a pretty awesome couple though."

"Totally."

Wally holds out his fist and I bump it with mine.

The others try to hide their amused faces—they're just jealous— as I sit down by Kaldur to place the Ploybook down.

"So why did you bring it out again if it was away for so long?" Conner asks.

"And what sort of pranks did you have?" adds Artemis.

Wally and I look at each other and grin simultaneously.

"We thought that considering we have so many newcomers," Wally pauses to address Zatanna on the side, "we would let you guys in on a little fun. Every first year junior Justice League partner has to go through with it, whether it be on the delivering end…"

I smirk. "Or in Kaldur's and Roy's case, the _receiving_ end."

Everyone in the room turns to our favourite Atlantean who looks like a shriveled up sea sponge.

"Oh no, they pranked you, Kaldur?" M'gann says with a worried look on her face. I want to laugh because it sounds like she thinks we had endangered him or something.

Well, we did, but not too much.

"Just what did they do?" Conner asks and Kaldur lets out a sigh—he turns to us.

"I believe one of you is interested in telling this story."

I chuckle, because he's right. Then, without a moment's hesitance, I flip the book open to reveal…

.

The Flopper

(Also known as: Kaldur's first night in Gotham)

It was a warm, sunny afternoon in Gotham City that day in 2008. We had met Aqualad a few times by now, but being new to the whole partner thing, he stuck mostly to Aquaman's side.

But on that night, it just so happened that Batman's, Flash's, Green Arrow's, and Aquaman's enemy were the one and the same, and so we were all reunited at the manor. We were instructed to stay inside…which of course, led to us getting into trouble in our costumes—without our mentors—by the pier.

"Aqualad, you have to help us!" I yelled while kicking the armed man in the gut.

"Yeah dude, we can only win this fight with you!" Kid Flash joined.

Luckily, Speedy was too preoccupied with his batch of criminals to hear what we were going to do to his new best friend on his first day in Gotham.

"What is it that I must do? I shall abide," the newcomer told us.

"You have to wiggle," I instructed while fighting off the criminals.

"I do not understand," Aqualad said.

Kid Flash sped up to us. "You know, like a fish on dry land. The way they shake and flop around when they're on land instead of water!"

He furrowed his brows. "But for what reason?"

Flipping into the air to split kick the idiots in ski masks, I explained, "Land-dwellers are frightened by the sight of it! You don't have to worry about us; we've worked with Aquaman enough to be immune."

"Yeah," Wally added. "Only people from the sea can fully master it!"

From afar, we hear Speedy's voice: "What are you guys doing?! More guys are coming!"

Both Kid Flash and I looked over to Aqualad. "Hurry!"

.

"And _that_," Wally says through laughter, "is how we got Kal to lay on the ground and flop like a fish!"

I laugh along too, but when I turn to the others, they're simply mortified. Especially Kaldur, who officially has his face buried in his hands in embarrassment.

"The crooks found it so odd, they all stopped fighting to watch him as we knocked them out," I say with a shrug. "So we _did_ technically win that night."

Kaldur shakes his head, face still hidden from us. "I was a naïve fool back then." Finally, he lifts his head up. "My King had not warned me of the_ true_ dangers of the surface world, but I hope that my frightful experience has taught you never to abide to their demands," he says, addressing the team while glaring daggers at us.

Gosh, Kal, it's been like, two years. Why won't he ever forgive us for that one silly trick?

"Wow…" Zatanna says, and I _think_ I hear a hint of intrigue. Is _this_ our third partner in crime? She's pretty aster so far. "So what other things do you have in there?"

"Well…" I think for a moment, flipping the pages. Some of them were pretty ridiculous, really. I mean, we were kids. Most of the things we did back then are even comparable to the wonderful pranks that Wally and I could do now. I stop at a page. "I did recently pull The 12 Bedroom House."

"What's the 12 Bedroom House?" Conner asks.

I smirk.

.

The 12 Bedroom House

"Hey Selina, did you know that you could get hemorrhoids from pregnancy? Acne and stretch marks too!"

She stopped me by lifting a finger in the air. "Hold up, kid. Who said I was pregnant?"

I simply smiled innocently. "Well if you're going to be with Bruce, he's going to expect a few kids. One named Thomas and another one named Martha. And a few more to fill all the rooms in this house too."

Her jaw dropped, and I could hear the success ringing in my ears.

.

M'gann's eyes are widened, and even Kaldur is amazed.

"You told Batman's girlfriend that he wanted to have a dozen kids?"

I shrug casually. "I was grounded for a week," I admit. "But it was probably one of the better ones I did while trying to get rid of her."

Artemis sighs. "I'm scared to ask…What else did you do?"

"I'm glad you ask, Arty," I say, and I flip over to the next page.

.

Breakfast at Tiffany's

"Hey Selina."

"Morning, kitten," she greeted with a yawn.

"Alfred had to drive Bruce to work early this morning, but I made breakfast."

"Really now? Well aren't you sweet." She ran her fingers through my hair—ugh—before sitting down at the dining room table. I placed the plate in front of her.

"Bon appetite."

She stared at the eggs and bacon, but I can see her eyes wander to the charred meat on the side. She pokes at it with a fork before hesitantly stabbing a piece and bringing it to her mouth. Her face contorts slightly at the taste and she brings a napkin to her lips.

"Kiddo, what's _this_?"

I smiled. "Tiffany."

"What's Tiffany?"

"It's the name I gave to the sewer rat I caught last week."

She promptly stepped away to barf in the kitchen sink.

.

Again, my teammates' reactions are no less horrified than they had been a while ago. What? I really don't like Selina. My reasons are legitimate.

"What? I thought it was funny," I say. "You know…Catwoman…Cats...Cats go for mice and rats?"

Everyone else shudders, including Wally. Seriously? He was the one who came up with that idea to scare away Bruce's dates at the charity banquets…Granted, I might have changed it up a bit from Play-Doh to sewer rat.

"Bro, it was not my intention for you to share horror stories to the rest of us when I decided to bring the Ploybook to the mountain."

"Why are you so mean to her?" Conner asks me. "It's not like she's hurting you or anything."

I frown and the memory of Bruce choosing her over me on the night of my parent-teacher interview flashes in my mind. It had been the first time Bruce had ever forgotten me like that, and I hope that by choosing to wear sunglasses instead of my mask today wasn't a mistake, because I could feel the edges of my eyes stinging.

"You must not really like the idea of her dating Batman then," Zatanna observes and she consoles me by putting her hand on my shoulder.

Normally, I would take advantage of her hand on my shoulder like this, because I've learned in the past few days that Zatanna's pretty cool—more fun than M'gann, who doesn't understand, and Artemis, who just yells at us—when it comes to teasing. In fact, she and I have come up with a few new words to work on the team, but as I look down at the Ploybook, knowing that there are at least sixteen more ploys that could be worked on Selina, I sigh.

"Yeah, I don't," I say. I close the book and hand it back to Wally. "But you're right, Con…She's not really hurting me _or_ Batman."

I press my lips together, because it's _Catwoman_ and I need to emphasize her horridness to my teammates, but I know for a fact that Bruce is monitoring us—actually, the fact that Wally's brought the Ploybook means every League member is on high alert—and I already promised him I would try to get to know Selina.

Wow. Is this what losing feels like? Now I know why Roy was so bummed out after we beat him at Water-Tag last year…And the year before.

"Look, guys, I'm just going to go back to Gotham. It's time for dinner anyway, and I have to be there to remind Batman and Catwoman to eat or else they spend the night staring at each other."

From the look of everyone's goose bump-covered arms, they're still frightened at the thought of Batman _dating_ and giving Catwoman lovesick, come-hither eyes.

I get up from my seat and wave goodbye.

Walking to the communications room, I can hear Wally explaining my reaction to the others.

"—he doesn't feel like doing anything these days. Well, mostly because he's always grounded for these things," he says.

"But I thought you said that Catwoman wasn't Batman's first girlfriend," says M'gann.

The voices grow quiet, but I can still hear them from where I am.

"Yeah but this is the first time Robin actually feels ignored and unwanted. I'm pretty sure you guys have guessed by now that Batman's not his real father, but Robin told me the other day that he feels exactly like the time after his parents died."

I don't bother listening to the rest of Wally's explanation. I hop into the zeta tube and head for Gotham.

By the time I get to the manor, Alfred tells me that dinner is delayed, but I should go make small talk with Selina and Bruce who are in the entertainment room.

I decline, because the last time I walked in the entertainment room…well, they were entertained alright, but I was left horrified, blinded, and scarred for a month.

I enter my room and stay there for what seems like hours before Bruce calls me down to dinner, but when I step back into the dining room, I don't see Alfred anywhere. Bruce, on the other hand, is sitting…Alone?

"Where's Selina?" I ask.

Bruce grimaces, but then gives me a soft smile. "Sit down, Dick."

.

.

_And so, your Grandpa Bruce spent the next half an hour apologizing to me for the way he had acted, and for forgetting about the school's parent-teacher night. Of course, he had listened to the conversation Wally and the team had at the mountain, and to my surprise, decided to end his relationship with Selina._

.

.

"I didn't mean to break you and Selina up," I tell him at the end of dinner.

He chuckles. "Of course you did, Dick. You've been trying to break us up for months."

I smile meekly. "Well yeah, but…Not in this way."

He raises a brow. "Was it meant to go out with a bang?"

Finally, I let out a giggle. "Sort of."

We both get up to clear our plates, but Bruce says he could clean the dishes. He then ruffles my hair, and I let him despite protesting every time Selina had done it. "Why don't you go change? I think I owe you a few games in the court."

I beam with glee. "Sure. I miss beating you," I say and can hear him laugh as I run up the stairs.

In my room, I close the door behind me, and quickly jump for the loose carpet by the foot of my bed. Beneath it, a hole I had dug up with a cell phone. I pull it out and search up the contact WW3—World War 3, AKA, Wally West, the predestined _third _Flash.

_Mission Accomplished._

—_D._

I smirk at our newest and most recent addition to the Ploybook, unseen by others.

.

The Break-Up

_Step 1_: switch up the birthday wishes (note: catalyst #1 must be in close relation with the target, and will certainly share the events taken place).

"Alfred, do you think…Do you think if I say no to a birthday party this year, Bruce could spend the day with me instead of with Selina?"

"Of course, young master. But are you sure you don't want to celebrate the day with your friends? You have been so excited for your fourteenth birthday for months."

I shrugged. "Yeah but…It's been a while since it was just me and Bruce, you know?"

_Step 2_: have the party anyway, but disclose your feelings of dejection to catalyst #2 (note: target does not have to be nearby—though it would certainly help—so long as catalyst #2 is willing to repeat admissions later on in a not-entirely secluded location in which the target can overhear).

"I can't believe you played _Spin the Bottle_ at your birthday party. That's so lame," Wally said as he helped me clean up the manor.

I laughed. "You're just mad that I kissed Artemis before you did, bro."

"I sat across from her! It was a sure thing that her bottle would land on me, especially with her arm strength! I'll even show you the physics!"

I tossed a party cup in his direction. "Whatever, Wally. I mean, you got to kiss Barbara—can't you call it even?"

He narrowed his eyes toward me. "_Dick_," he said offensively and then pointed to the coat closet. "You got _seven minutes in heaven_ with Barbara."

Oh yeah. I did. That was awesome. Too bad she wasn't willing to date me—what did she even mean by _immature _and_ wasn't ready for her_? _And_ too short? I'm _so_ mature and I'm pretty sure my growth spurt will come soon enough.

I crossed my arms and slumped onto the couches. "Yeah well, my original plans still would have been better than this."

Wally looked at me, confused.

"I wanted to hang out with Bruce," I admitted. "He's with Selina at the moment—he promised he would be back by now, but he's probably 'stuck in traffic' again." I lifted my arms to air quote him. Looking at the mess, my frown deepened. "It's like he doesn't even_ want_ me."

_Step 3_: Tell catalyst #2 to bring the Ploybook via the extra cellphone at the foot of the bed that the target doesn't know about (note: make sure to slip into the conversation with League members that the Ploybook is coming back, alerting all senior heroes and forcing the target to monitor the mountain at all times).

.

_._

_That one, I'll have to explain. Kids, with your Grandpa Bruce being so invasive to all of our privacy, your Uncle Wally and I had separate phones at our disposal which he didn't learn about until much later in our lives. How did we even get that idea?_

_Well it was all thanks to your Uncle Roy._

.

.

Two years ago:

"You're grounded! Don't you even think about going out tonight, Roy. I'm taking away your phone, your TV and your computer privileges."

"Fine by me, Ollie!" Roy huffed before slamming his bedroom door in his guardian's face. He proceeded to throw things in his room around for the next half an hour, only to eye the door cautiously before lifting up a loose floorboard at the foot of his bed.

Grinning with accomplishment, he fished out another cell phone and dialed a number.

"Hey babe, it's me. Yeah, I know I haven't returned your calls—no, Ollie doesn't know about this phone," Roy whispered. "So I'll see you at the bar? Got my ID," he mentioned, lifting up the fake ID whose information said:

_Name: Oliver King_

_Age: 21_

He grinned into the phone. "Awesome, I'll see you later. Oh and keep calling my other phone. Ollie'll get suspicious. Thanks, babe. I'll see you soon."

.

.

_Needless to say, Roy's meaningless fling back when he was sixteen never lasted. Even his rebellious teenage phase lasted way longer than that, but I'm sure he wouldn't want me telling you that…_

_Where was I? Oh right, the point is, your Uncle Wally and I, being the easily influential kids we were, ended up having spare phones like your Uncle Roy did which were basically untraceable and were saved for situations like these._

_And so…_

.

.

_Step 4_: Tell your friends about your previous and unsuccessful, but perfectly crafted schemes to break up your target and his parasitic, soul-sucking girlfriend. Earn sympathy with the new girl and appear upset for a reason which some team members, particularly a newly hatched clone and a non-Earth resident, question (note: if identity is revealed at this point, carefully take off the mask/sunglasses and proceed to wipe eyes; otherwise, stay distraught—heavy on the dis).

_Step 5:_ Pretend to have to leave the premises while catalyst #2—specifically your best bud whom you tell everything to and would make a good romantic partner had you two not been straight—explains to the team about your state of distress and bring in a sob story about your past to guilt the target who is most obviously listening.

_Step 6_: Come back to the premises of where it all started and remain upset. The target will then tell catalyst #1 (AKA the butler) to delay dinner while he ends his relationship with the parasitic, soul-sucking girlfriend who is then driven back home by the catalyst.

_Step 7_: Rebuild your relationship with the target and proceed to spend the rest of your days without a fur ball in sight.

.

.

_And that kids, is the story of how I broke up your Grandpa Bruce and Selina Kyle._

.

.

* * *

**A/N:** Dick's birthday party having spin the bottle, and his 7 minutes in heaven with Barbara was mentioned in YJ comic #25. Aside from that, I hope you enjoyed my version of Barney's _Playbook_.

Note: In the comics, Artemis did show up to Dick's birthday party. And so to answer the question: **Wouldn't Artemis question how Richard Grayson and Wally know each other?** The answer is: yes she would, and their answer was that they met up at summer camp—Dick even has the photos to prove it. I just realized that at this point, Dick hasn't revealed his identity to Artemis and while this scene didn't fit into the chapter, I should mention it to avoid any possible confusion.  


Please review!


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